Hey
I am wondering if anyone else is in a similar position regarding a changed perspective to the initial need and what MC can provide. I went in with one view but came across a different one I never considered.
I have a wife, two young kids and a job. Decisions I make affect others. Nearly 50 years old. Have ADHD. Always been loud, scatter brained, emotionally disregulated. Good at my technical job, terrible at interpersonal interactions. Happily scroll internet for hours and ignore the world as the world does not keep me interested enough to get my attention. I started this journey after a diagnosis of ADHD, which is no surprise, at 46yo. Tried 5 lots of standard meds which either drove me crazy or had no effect.
I went into this with an agreement with my wife that this would be a test to see if this can help with concentrating at work. What I found is that it doesn't really help work so much but socially it has revolutionised the way I interact with people positively, I can actually sense their feelings, which was such a surprise for me, hardly scroll anymore, but what is huge for me is I feel that it had opened my eyes to the values of family. What I sadly used to see as a frustration is now endless entertainment. In short I realised without medication I usually have my head up my ass and close myself off to the world so to being overstimulated all the time. I never realised how much of a negative person I was before this. Now I know I can be a great husband and father to these lovely boys.
I am not a nice person and rather selfish as I have gotten older, but when this stuff opens my mind I choose to spend time with my little boys and wife. At first I was silly with it, giggling, overused so was really really high while I was titrating but now I have got my levels under control. I think this put my wife off an already questionable life decision.
My wife does not agree with using it as I had to much fun and abused my privilege being too high and going out high. At home I can often slur my words slightly and look really high or glazed over. It reminds her of her past living with people who abused drugs. I do not want to upset her but I have realised that it is not work that will benefit from MC it is my family. I have seen so much variety and fun in family life that was mundane. Life is flat without it and full of challenge, negativity and a constant need for stimulation, hence being on my phone for hours. It is like I have lived in black and white and a quick vape has added vibrant colour.
I now clean the house every evening with headphones on, have a good day at work and earn the money, cook the dinner, play with the kids in the daytime, I enjoy every minute of life like a normal person but with a slight rose tint of satisfaction and contentment. I value my relationships with my family members so much more.
So does anyone else have this perspective of going into this with one view but discovering a new view? My wife is so so supportive but I am pushing the boundaries with this one.