In need of support and/or advice
I (F24) grew up in a "no religion" household. My dad grew up as a Muslim but stopped practicing his faith, and my mom always had a difficult relationship with religion as a whole (but still put my sister and I in private catholic schools, funnily enough). So I never really cared about all of this.
However, a few years ago, I found myself praying to God, asking Him for forgiveness, advice, praying for others/myself, thanking Him for his gifts and life lessons. I was always scared to fully "commit" to religion because of judgement from family and friends. Since last year, I've found myself more and more drawn to actually practicing, even attending my first mass, but dropped it again, because of the fear.
This week, I decided I had enough of hiding, and started researching how to become a Catholic. Before making the step, I talked to my boyfriend about it.
His reaction made my fears come true. "Are you being serious?" "Why would it make you happy?" "You need a therapist, not a imaginary man in the sky". I cried. He told me everything was so sudden and a lot to take in, and that he was on the verge of tears himself.
I don't know what to do now. I was so sure before sending him the message (we're in a LDR) and now I'm thinking of dropping everything because I'm so afraid of losing him over this. I know that if he loves me, it shouldn't be a problem, but seeing how upset that makes him, makes me second doubt it. (He doesn't have any religion related trauma, he basically thinks it's ridiculous and useless.)
Do I follow through, with the risk of losing him? Do I talk to him more before making the step? Or do I drop anything official and practice when I'm alone? Again, we're long distance at the moment, so it doesn't hinder me that much.