Discovering Food Addiction vs. EDs
Hi, I am a 28 F with a food addiction. It started in 2018 when I dropped a ton of weight after intentional weight loss. The validation came in, the restriction, the over -exercising, and the inappropriate eating behaviours. It started with a binge-restrict cycle, and ended up in a full-blow eating disorder which needed psychological care. After a few years, I gained most of the weight back, and lost a lot of my negative food behaviours. Despite this, the urge to eat was still there, like a never-satisfied monster.
This is confusing because I had put in so much work, I am no longer binging and restricting, but I have zero control over what goes into my body. I am no longer guilty or shameful, and although I am slightly overweight, I don’t try to compensate for my eating. My therapist felt I clearly had not gotten over whatever psychological urge was causing this behaviour. This was so frustrating because all I thought about ever was food. Not my body, not my depression, but food. Salt, sugar, deep-fried, takeout. I am gaining weight at a 5lb per month rate, and I am not concerned about my value as a person, but my physical health and energy levels.
I am spending money I don’t have, lying to my partner about my eating habits, and eating fatty and salty foods in private. I’m not eating 3000-6000 calories until I am sick. I am eating a meal deal at a fast food joint, but 3 x a day. I feel a physical twitch when someone brings a sweet treat to work. I absolutely lose control after putting sugar in my coffee.
Everyone keeps telling me this is an eating disorder, but it feels so much more than that. It feels like an addiction. The more I speak to people who’ve suffered this and other addictions, the more I see the comparison. My doctor will not diagnose me or treat me as a food addict, because they fear it will worsen my eating disorder history. Now, I feel left in the dark, with no real treatment plan besides self-help books. I want to break the sugar-fat-salt cycle, but I have no idea where to start.
Any tips on prevention and management? Any good resources (free or purchase) for programs or step-based approach? Has anyone else had the realization that their eating disorder may actually be an addiction? Thanks for the advice🙏