u/Fan_of_Fanfics

What follows is a strange mix of normal domesticity and wacky magical hijinks as Harry navigates new neighbors somehow just as strange as wizards but without magic, including the two coffee addicts next door.

(Crossover with Gilmore Girls. Just thought something simple and sweet and domestic would be nice. Also, we know next to nothing about Emily Gilmore’s family, would be interesting if she was herself or was the child of a Squib, and also, thought it’d be amusing to see Lorelai meet Andromeda, who also ran away from an oppressive aristocratic family.)

Robert “Hob” Gadling isn’t at all what Tom expected of an immortal being, and the man’s explanation of the source of his unending life was quite honestly too absurd to believe.

“You…you claimed Death was ‘silly’ and that only the stupid accept it?”

“…To be fair, I was drinking at the time, I didn’t expect her to be in the bloody pub with me…”

The Faceless One, impressed at Harry’s drive, will, and the fact he’s kept a violently dark piece of someone else’s soul sequestered in his mind for over a decade, gives the young man an object that would be simultaneously boon and curse upon him. A powerful magical focus that would amplify the boy’s already impressive natural magic a hundred-fold, but which inherently desired to be used for chaos and the dark, whispering in his mind, enticing, twisting. The unworthy would be left disfigured or mutated beyond recognition.

But in Harry’s hand, with his mind that resists the call to the dark at all times, perhaps the Havoc Staff would finally be used for good, or at least for less sinister purposes.

(Crossover with He-man/Masters of the Universe. Harry wielding The Havoc Staff, the ram-headed magical focus normally used by Skeletor. In some continuities, The Faceless One had guarded the Relic and Skeletor claimed it from him, I thought it’s be cool for Harry to wield. Also, yes, I did just see the new Masters of the Universe film, it was awesome.)

“I don’t see what’s so funny, it can’t be done. The shift in size alone-“

“Hermione,” Harry cut her off, “You literally have a fully grown woman transformed into a beetle and sealed in a jar.” Hermione blinked owlishly.

“Beetle to Human scale is roughly 1:35. Depending on the size of the bug, of course,” Sirius stated, writing out the arithmancy equations so Hermione could see. “If we figure that big lizard Godzilla to be about 50 meters tall, compared to a 6ft wizard, that’s only a 1:27 ratio…again, give or take depending on actual size. And yes, I had Remus double check my maths.”

“So it theoretically should be easier for a human-to-Godzilla transformation than for Skeeter to go back from Beetle to Witch,” Harry continued.

Hermione took the parchments and began checking over the maths, her jaw slackening more and more.

“But you can’t have magical animagus forms, according to Professor McGonagall,” she weakly protested.

“Ah, but this wouldn’t be an Animagus transformation,” Sirius insisted. “This would be, theoretically of course, a team of witches and wizards transfiguring another witch or wizard.”

“Theoretically,” Hermione repeated, blinking. “…well, theoretically…what would you even use a Kaiju form for, anyway?”

She did not like the smirks on the faces of Harry and his Godfather.

“Hagrid is well versed in all manner of creature, and I trust him implicitly,” Dumbledore replied. “I understand that the current specimen is a bit unorthodox, but-“

“Unorthodox?” Flitwick sputtered. “Albus, it’s a Kaiju. In the lake. The displaced water alone has created a mess of the grounds, to say nothing of the discomfort of the giant squid. I’m surprised the Merfolk haven’t fled.”

“Actually, from the reaction of their Chieftain, they believe the creature to be a god,” Albus chuckled, looking out the window toward the Black Lake, its surface currently broken by a line of maple-leaf like spines. “It is rather awe-inspiring, isn’t it?”

“It’s terror-inducing,” Snape hissed. “The Slytherin common room is adjacent to the lake, they can hear the beast, see it watching them through the windows into the water.” Dumbledore waved him off.

“Perhaps young Mr. Malfoy will take care not to antagonize this one as he did the Hippogriff,” he said.

“How did he get here, anyway?” Pomona Sprout asked, exasperated. “It was my understanding that this particular creature inhabits the waters near Japan? How on Earth did Hagrid even manage to get it here?”

Albus didn’t have the heart to tell them that Hagrid had no part in it, and was just making the best of the situation. Nor did he find it necessary to reveal why the creature, Gojira (or Godzilla as the Americans of the MACUSA had nicknamed him), was currently inhabiting the Black Lake.

…Besides, how do you explain to your subordinates that a massive immortal Moth lady had sent a pair of twin fairies to tell of the coming of prophesied darkness, and had also wrangled a muggle-mutated sea beast into acting as the Castle’s temporary protector?