18 and just got diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia. Been struggling for two years, but it’s never been this bad. No
Genuinely. I don’t know how people live. I don’t know how people live with chronic pain. The pressure. The lack of understanding and support from family. Yesterday, my sister FaceTimed me and asked how I was, I’ve been known for bottling everything up so I’ve been giving speaking my truth a shot. “Bad pain day” I said. She said I need to stop identifying with my illness. How can I stop identifying with something that’s my reality, it’s only just now been given a label, but I haven’t had a single day in 2 years where I haven’t been in pain. This year it’s been at its worst. I can hardly stand, but I’ve been known for being strong and athletic, so I try and hide it with a smile. I’m knackered by the end of each day and can’t get to sleep. My rheumatologist who diagnosed me suggested Pilates, exercise, physical therapy. I’ve been going to physical therapy every other day and nothings changed, I’m in agonizing pain. Every single second of every single day. When I bring up medication to my mom she tells me to exercise. To amuse this idea I go to the gym. I can’t do this anymore. The pretend. The lack of support. The fact that there’s no end to the pain and nothing to soothe it. I’m tired of people not understanding my reality. The unsolicited advice. I was thinking about saving up money for euthanasia, but my family relies on me too much, and they’d never forgive me. I’m tired of fighting my body every day. I’m tired of living in a broken body.