So it happened…. i was on accutane for a year and it finally cleared my skin. it left me with some pretty deep scarring, but to me that was infinitely better than the constant pain and the state my face was in before. For a while there i was clear-skinned with just very minor breakouts here and there, and i was very happy with that.
i’ve been an avid lurker on this sub for a long time, just reading everyone's stories and trying to learn how to accept my face and love myself again. it was a tough journey and i can't say i ever got to love myself fully, but my self-esteem was finally improving, and that meant everything to me.
fast forward to today. i'm on summer break with college starting in a few months, and i suddenly relapsed out of nowhere. it started with an insane amount of closed comedomes on my chin that just wouldn't go no matter what idid, and eventually they ruptured into full cysts. some are even merging into giant ones, exactly like they did before i went on isotretinoin. it’s spreading up my cheeks and temples now and i’m just devastated. I am at an all-time low. seeing all that progress vanish in a matter of weeks is soul-crushing. i feel so disgusting. New scars and craters are already forming and i honestly don’t know what to do.
i don’t know if i have the strength to keep fighting this battle. it kills me to see everyone with clear skin, or people complaining about "normal" acne when i’d give anything to be in their shoes. i can only imagine what goes through their heads when they see me….probably just pity or thinking “thank god i don't look like that.” i just feel defeated and gross. Its so hard to ifnore and not care about like some people can do… i dont know anymore..