Current PA-S1 struggling with regret over not going to med school
I’m a PA-S1 (3.94 GPA), almost finished with didactic year, and struggling with regret over not going to med school.
Becoming a doctor was my dream since I was 15. I went to a competitive undergrad, graduated with a 3.78 GPA, but then life happened — I worked full time, got married, had a child, never took the MCAT, and PA became the “practical” backup plan that turned into my actual path.
Now I’m 26 (almost 27), married, a mom to a 2-year-old, have a mortgage, and I’ll graduate PA school with around 200k of debt. PA school is already so grueling that I keep wondering: if I’m sacrificing this much, why didn’t I put it toward med school? My PA education isn’t going as deep as I was hoping it would.
I’m excited to become a PA, but I can’t shake the grief of not becoming a physician. At the same time, I don’t want to miss my son’s childhood or put my family through more years of school, debt, and residency. My husband is a head chef and dreams of opening his own restaurant a few years after I graduate, and I want to support that too.
Maybe med school later when my son is older, but then I’d be starting over in my mid/late 30s and giving up stability. I feel stuck, exhausted, and conflicted.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of regret after choosing PA? How did you move through it? These thoughts are really bothering me, because my heart’s dream is to be a physician. It makes it hard to focus on the exams and clinicals that are in front of me. I’m also wondering what’s the point with AI moving so fast.