i’ve been on a corporate team (will keep anonymous bc i don’t want to get fired lol) for too long and i want out so badly, but the current economy has me worried and clutching onto this role - especially because i am the sole provider (no kids, just my partner, me, and pets). i know this isn’t an uncommon feeling, but i just needed to vent. it’s been exhausting knowing for at least 5 years that i want to quit. unfortunately my org went through a reorg and i got voluntold for a new position with no other options due to hub locations differing for the role & me being unwilling to move again for this company (i already have several times and don’t plan on doing it again. i have a garden and am tired)
the new position is so much worse. our team is extremely shortstaffed after the layoffs and i’m doing the jobs of multiple people. i barely have time to sleep and shower. i don’t have any “why” behind my job anymore except money. money is certainly a non-negotiable in this life, however i also want to live life and i’m worried that a huge chunk of my life has been sucked up by the insatiable machine. i don’t want anything to do with corporate america whenever i leave this company. i want to go to massage school or become a barista or even wait to figure it out. at this point, i think i’d need to do nothing for a year to recover from the deep sense of burnout 😭
we’re sooo close to the may vests, so i need to ride it out until then for sure, but i’m scared that i can’t last much longer. i’ve been hanging by a thread for years and am so excited for the freeing feeling of leaving this ineffective place. BUT i’m scared i’m romanticizing that feeling, and forgetting about all the hardships that will come with it. i do have 4 years’ worth of living expenses saved up, and could probably reduce some expenses to elongate that timeline, but at the same time i’m terrified with all that is going on in the world and the economy. if life continues to get exponentially more expensive, i could run out very quickly. as it is, health insurance will already be exorbitant.
for every reason that i feel i want to leave, i can think of at least one reason why it could be more wise to stay. i’m trying to stick it out, but i’m afraid my will might reach a breaking point </3