Are my two stelliums the cause of relationship chaos?
Often times I think it's really just me, myself and I as I go along and live life. Personally, I have such strong standards for my education, career and daily discipline. I lead a very fulfilling life with travel, artistic pursuits and hobbies. I have skills that are very outdoorsy and adventurous. I am extremely adaptable and empathic. At work, I am an expert in my fields (I am a grade school teacher and also an academic in higher ed). My students and bosses respect me (as much as one can be in education these days).
However, I find that in a room of people I always feel alone. I have to down-play my skills, emotions, achievements, hobbies, planned travel, etc to make people feel comfortable and invite conversation. I've gotten feedback that people meeting me have said I'm intimidating and it's been difficult as an adult to make friends because they have said they're jealous of me. It's been exhausting trusting new friends with my life because often times people have covertly tried to humble me, acted like they didn't hear what I said, given me very pointed unsolicited advise and purposely excluded me from group events--on top of only being nosey about what I'm up too. I've noticed that I rarely get invited to events or hang outs. I have a backbone and stand up for myself, but often when I do people cannot handle it (I've been told I'm a 'mirror') so I tend to just act unbothered. Ugh.
I have taken to venting people and keeping them in neat categories. It's exhausting when people naturally talk to me and I make conversation where ever I go-the grocery store, church, community functions, especially when I'm traveling-people are always complementing me and asking me questions. I've been in countries where I haven't been before and don't speak the language and natives will start up conversation--even asking me for directions! Yet, it is difficult to get close to people and have fulfilling, meaningful and reciprocal friendships. I am always the one reaching out, planning the trip, footing the bill, asking the questions. My sister has told me that because I am conventionally attractive, well educated and traveled, and I'm not swimming in debt people judge me harshly. I also have a very secure and beautiful marriage with a partner of ten years.
I think I have two stelliums in my chart, and scorpio mercury, and lots of capricorn, my 4th house is empty on the cusp of taurus....This is the first time I've reached out in regards to this personal dilemma. Any insight into my situation would be very interesting to me and appreciated! Thank you (:
