The Death of Ivan Ilyich
Despite being just a short story by Leo Tolstoy. It made its renowned name into the big three (just my POV:) pieces of literature made by Tolstoy. My short journey with the story was deeply touching and left a mark that might be a lifelong one.
While I felt lost in the beginning, with the announcement of "well gentleman, unfortunately, Sir Ivan Ilyich has died". I reacted like "omg, who're you guys and who's this Ivan guy".
But after that shock, and after delving into the main story, I liked how the author made Sir Ivan's life to appear like a normal and average one, nothing very special, perhaps he was actually a successful and smart guy, but still you can relate to him and his average thoughts of a normal human.
His thoughts on marriage reflected how a great section of people thought about it's necessity and importance. The author excelled in expressing how Ivan's marriage that appeared all butterflies in the beginning, turned to one of his suffering that followed him till death. That actually reflected quite the realistic perspective on the nature of relationship, indicating that we should take the step of marriage or relationship to be serious and not being swayed by the tradition, norms, and outside pressure by people around. Because you're the only one who'll bear the responsibilities of it's failures, and it's effects could be permanent on our lifes.
The story continues with it's ups and downs in Ivan's life, reaching to the point where he starts questioning, everything around him, his wife, kids, family, occupation, and how people perceive him. And in the amidst of uncertainty, the author decided to give Ivan a shred of hope, the shred of light that will change his life to the better, new house, a higher salary, and matters almost solved with his wife. But .. one slip, only one slip did change the whole dynamics, and that last shred of hope did disappear again.
With the symptoms of his unknown pain starting to be visible, a deep pain that is entwined with an unfamiliar feeling, the fear of the unknown, and how the future will be. And after discovering the distater, a strong feeling tried to reassure him that everything with be fine as he says "yeah, away from those thoughts, everything is going to be fine, I only have to follow the doctor's orders and I'll get better". But the scariest word was actually thing was thinking about the most, death "is it possible, but I'm young, I used to hear the people die, but me, my turn?"
A Long struggle with illness, mixed feelings towards his family, anxiety and nervousness became a habit for him, his looks to his and her looks towards him, while she genuinely cared and tried to help him, his hatred to her, and him portraying her as a reason to his suffering did blind him for multiple times.
Death becoming near, and his realization of the end became vivid, death is inevitable. And a swarming skeptic and doubt feelings towards his family, framing them as they wish he would disappear, and that they all feel annoyed from him. His only friend, a young man working for him, was like his angel, he viewed him as someone truthful enough to lean on him, and show him his weaknesses without shame.
As pain almost destroying him, he reflects for the last time on what he did in his life, a flashback to all the memorable and main stages in his life. Reaching the point "perhaps I lived my life to the fullest". And his interaction with his daughter and son, and how he till death, had that hard feeling towards his wife, and the... Angel, the young man who worked for him, he stayed in his memory as someone good, and someone he could trust.
And then... He died.
Ivan wasn't a special person, he was me, you, and all of us. The normal guy who wished for an average life. The one lived left in doubt and suddenly encountered death.
Sorry for taking so long, it is my first time writing something like that, and actually I just had some bad feelings deep within (as I fell into an addiction that I stopped for so long, it was just one day but I'm afraid it will continue, hope it doesn't) and decided to write whatever I had to clear my mind. So I'm sorry again for taking so long.
Thanks to all of you,
Bye