u/Flat_Marsupial_4249

So. As you might know, Palo Santo is being mass harvested to meet westerners’s demand and this risks putting the tree in danger (it has already been the case in the past, which required a reforestation program to intervene) which not only might be an issues from an ecological point of view, but also might mean that the indigenous population would have limited access to this resource they once could freely use for their traditional practices.

Today I discovered that my friend’s best friend (for context, she’s European, not indigenous) uses palo santo quite regularly.

She’s a very nice and clever lady and I’m sure she just isn’t aware of the ethical problems around its usage.

I’m not close to her enough to advise her to stop using it unprompted, but since I saw the palo santo I’m constantly rehearsing in my head what to say it so I can find the confidence to bring it up.

Do you have any advice on how to approach this topic with someone I’m not very close to?

Thanks in advance 🐈‍⬛

Hola a tod@s!

Espero que la estén pasando bien a pesar del calor!

No soy de España, así que perdón por mi español si no está perfecto, pero estoy visitando a unos amigos en Barcelona y este finde me voy a ir de vacaciones.

Antes de que el pelo se me dañe por el sol, me gustaría hacer una donación.

Me gustaría quedarme adentro de un budget muy bajo (no quiero un corte súper stylish, solo quiero donar mi pelo y ya).

Tienen recomendaciones alrededor de Barcelona? En el centro vi que cuesta demasiado. Lo menos caro, mejor.

Intenté revisar la lista (muy larga!) en el sitio de Mechones Solidares pero no hay precios ni disponibilidades. Tal vez ustedes conozcan a alguien que acepta citas un poco last-minute?

Gracias de antemano!

I was driving with my friend and using my phone as GPS (Google Maps). I told my friend that last year there were 1k people at a small local event. My friend replied “Wow incredible” and the phone replied “it’s true that it’s a lot for an event”

I’m super creeped out. Has it been listening to all my conversations so far?

I tried getting it to interact again to reproduce this but nothing worked. I tried “okay google” and “hey Gemini” a few times and tried repeating the interaction about the event but nothing happened.

Was it secretly listening and not supposed to make me notice but a bug made it speak? I had never used the voice assistant, so the wake word etc. were deactivated in the settings.

No idea what went on

——

Pixel 9a
Android 17

I was driving with my friend and using my phone as GPS (Google Maps). I told my friend that last year there were 1k people at a small local event. My friend replied “Wow incredible” and the phone replied “it’s true that it’s a lot for an event”

I’m super creeped out. Has it been listening to all my conversations so far?

——

Pixel 9a
Android 17

Désolée si c’est un post bizarre mais je connais pas du tout l’endroit et j’aurais besoin d’un conseil.

j’ai eu un contretemps pendant mes vacances et je ne pourrai pas passer la journée entière au mont saint Michel dès ce matin comme prévu.

Je me demandais si ça vaudra la peine de le visiter quand même pendant l’après-midi ou si il y a beaucoup à voir et c’est pas réaliste d’y passer que une demi-journée.

En sachant que l’alternative est y aller le vendredi et je ne sais pas s’il va avoir trop de monde pour profiter.

Quelqu’un qui connaît l’endroit pourrait me conseiller quoi faire ?

Merci d’avance !

With a friend we are spending 2/3 weeks on a road trip starting from Mont Saint-Michel to Spain, trying to discover the west coast of France and its surroundings.

Our interests are very varied… nature (hiking/camping/gardens), architecture, history/religion, discovering local food, local music, and visiting unusual places in general.

He is French and I’m not, but both of us are completely new to the west coast.

🌅 Do know of any (more or less) hidden gems that you think we should visit?

Low budget is preferred but we can make an exception if there is a specific expensive experience we shouldn’t miss out on (e.g. we’re considering Puy du Fou)

Thanks in advance for the suggestions! 🙏

EDIT:

No I don’t want you to plan a trip for me lol. I’m sorry if it came across that way.

My thought process was that some of you might be from there and might know of a hidden gem they would like to share. Or some of you accidentally stumbled upon an underrated destination and want to tell their experience.

No one is forcing you to contribute to this post. If you have nothing to say, you can kindly scroll away :)

A couple of years ago, for the first time in my life, i consumed some very bland hallucinogenic mushrooms.

I didn’t get any incredible vision, but, as I now understand, it’s a product that when consumed momentarily weakens the part of the brain responsible for one’s ego.

Surprisingly, unlike my other friends who went back to their normal lives afterwards, this ego suppression pushed me to dive into Buddhist teaching.

All of a sudden impermanence made sense, non self made sense, meditation was orders of magnitude easier… and I have since this experience been cultivating my practice (without ever consuming psychoactive substances again) to the point of seeing, two years after, looking back, massive improvements in my behaviour and happiness overall (whereas my mental health was challenging before).

Buddhist teachings accompany me day to day alleviating my suffering and that of the people around me.

In spite of this, a long distance friend of mine has belittled my practice as a “new age thing” by commenting on it at least twice and I had to admit I found it disappointing. Especially disappointing because of its racial connotation, as he, a Latino man, labelled it as a stereotypical “white girl” thing.

I moved on from both comments as I don’t need his validation to know this path is right for me (and ironically, Buddhism itself helps a lot making me not care about other people’s judgement).

However, next week I will travel to visit him after about 3 years of only calling on the phone and I am afraid of not saying the right thing or acting the right way in front of his condescending ways if our discussions ever happen to touch on spirituality.

I am torn between letting him comment without reacting, risking naturally distancing myself from him VS trying to engage in a discussion to “prove” to him I’m serious about this, which might however end in disappointment or frustration if his attitude stays the same.

I already told him the first time he made a comment about my experience being a “textbook new age thing” (paraphrasing from another language) that his words disappointed me. I can tell he tried to refrain from making such comments again, even though a second comment about me idealising Buddhism seeped through.

Not sure if he’ll make comments again, but his attitude will be evident. And we like to discuss deep topics such as spirituality, so chances are it will come up.

I’m specifically looking for advice on how to keep holding Right Thinking and Right Speech in this situation.

I think it will be a great exercise and I can learn a lot from how his comments and attitude make me feel. I just don’t want to ruin our friendship in the process.

Hello my friends. 🌸

I have been mostly a lurker in this sub for about a year.

A year ago I read The Heart of Buddha’s Teachings and found its content so valuable that to this day I still go back to refer to it, treating it as a handbook on how to live my life.

I feel like I am ready to make a step forward and be more consistent with my practice. I Currently only meditate for a few minutes almost every morning and I find my practice to be overall quite undisciplined and disorganised.

Probably because I’m missing a clear method on how to go forward.

I live far from any temple or teacher and currently cannot travel, so I have to make do with online resources and books. I really like reading and would love to find a book progression that speaks to me as much as Thich Nhat Hanh’s book did.

I think I could currently dedicate a couple of hours maximum per day to studying. I just need to find the right method.

I think it might be something I have to ultimately figure out on my own based on what works with me (the pace, the choice of denomination, etc.) but I would love for you to express your suggestions for some guidance. Especially since I am quite isolated, have no teacher and have no sangha.

Thanks in advance. May you have a wonderful evening 🙏

I feel like I have a big problem with charisma as a personal quality and was wondering how it is viewed from a Buddhist perspective.

After a lot of introspective work over the years, I managed to get over insecurities that used to make my life really hard.

I overcame my constant jealousy of people being more beautiful, intelligent, successful, etc. than me, which was crippling me.

However I am now realising there is something that still makes me jealous of people: their charisma.

I didn’t have friends growing up until I was almost an adult, so I’ve never been very good at “people”. I’ve always wanted friends though, so I was obviously jealous of popular people and trying to be like them.

I have since accepted that I’ll never be like them and part of me doesn’t want to (I’m okay with few very strong friendships) and I suspect I might be a bit autistic.

Today I’m almost 34 years old and have been informed by a colleague of mine that when I turn up people feel a bit uncomfortable as they feel like I’m a bit awkward.

There’s this beautiful colleague of mine who arrived a long time after me and managed to be friends with everyone in no time, while I still struggle after years working there.

She’s beautiful and intelligent, but I now am not the kind of person to be jealous about those specific things anymore. What makes me jealous now is simply her charisma.

Everything else seems so futile and superficial, but as a Buddhist I feel that charisma is so important as it allows us to connect with others in a way where my awkward benevolence/compassion/love does not.

I don’t need to be beautiful or successful to be happy. But I DO need to have a community around me.

I also feel perfectly happy in my solitude nowadays, but I feel very unstable when around others. And I cannot be a hermit so I have to deal with people one way or another.

Sometimes I look at her and I feel like her charisma is the missing piece I need in my life to make everything better, while sometimes (maybe because of my jealousy) I feel like it’s this dirty trick that deceives people into liking her, no matter whether she’s a good person or not.

I wonder if Buddhism says anything about charisma. Is it a desirable quality and, if so, can it be cultivated? If I have no chance at it, then what else can I do not to lose my happiness while around others?

Back when I was less experienced and practicing (romantic) polyamory, I had this bad habit of sharing things that bothered me in a partner with other partners.

The purpose was partially to vent when I was feeling down, but I also felt it would give a well rounded impression of their metas, since my partners would often have an idealised image of them and by sharing some of their faults I hoped to lessen the jealousy.

Now that I realised that I’m aromantic and RA (and I don’t have “official partners” anymore, just “friends”), I realised I felt okay with venting about partners because that’s just often considered part of usual friendships. I’m still not perfect at avoiding it, as I try to keep it all in but sometimes I just feel like I have to tell someone when a friend bothered me a lot or I’m feeling overwhelmed and need advice.

Since this is a long time bad habit of mine, I think I need other RAs to help me out understanding what is the line between bad mouthing a friend and just explaining what happened.

For example, this weekend I was invited to a birthday and a close friend of mine was there too. I didn’t know anyone beside the bday person and this friend.

I had an anxiety attack and really needed someone by my side. Said friend was really awful at it and it really felt like he didn’t care, to the point where today I’m reconsidering whether it’s true that he loves me or if he just thinks that because he likes to sleep with me. I’m currently considering de-escalating our friendship to purely sex and doing sports together since both are things we enjoy.

I have another fiend who is very considerate and caring and I’m seeing him today. I already told him I had an anxiety attack and, although by the time I texted him it was already over, he offered immediate support. As I’m seeing him today, for sure he will ask what happened and I’m wondering how much details should I share about my current situation.

Should I inform him if I de-escalate things with the other friend? Should I mention I’m considering it now even though I haven’t made a decision yet? Would it be bad if I got into more detail and I mentioned he saw me crying in a room and left me there alone and went back to have fun with his friends? Or that I texted him that I was feeling like throwing up and asked for a camomile tea; he took ten minutes before even asking the host and then said they don’t have any but they have ice cream (yes I’m still baffled he offered ice cream as a solution against throwing up).

He’s not a bad person, he’s just extremely naive and inexperienced in life and not a very loving/caring friend I guess.

I find it comforting to talk about this with other friends but I do my best to resist: it makes me sad to speak badly of others. It’s just that sometimes I need to let off some steam and if I narrate what happened, that gives an opportunity for another friend to comfort me with the right words/attitude.

I would be grateful for any advice on this.

Le thème était la découverte du réseau des catacombes de Paris.

Le personnage les explorait et apprenait les us et coutumes du monde souterrain.

C’était probablement de la littérature jeunesse.

Cela vous évoque-t-il quelque chose ?

Merci par avance !

Je cherche un livre que j’ai lu quand j’étais jeune.

Le thème était la découverte du réseau des catacombes de Paris.

Le personnage les explorait et apprenait les us et coutumes du monde souterrain.

C’était probablement de la littérature jeunesse.

Cela vous évoque-t-il quelque chose ?

Merci par avance !

EDIT: très probablement « Les Compagnons de l’Ombre » - Merci pour vos réponses !

Le thème était la découverte du réseau des catacombes de Paris.

Le personnage les explorait et apprenait les us et coutumes du monde souterrain.

C’était probablement de la littérature jeunesse.

Cela vous évoque-t-il quelque chose ?

Merci par avance !

EDIT: très probablement « Les Compagnons de l’Ombre » - Merci pour toutes vos réponses !

I grew up in a slightly violent household. I was insulted or screamed at daily and made to feel bad about myself, and sometimes beaten too.

As soon as I turned 18 and had finished school, I fled my home and went to continue studying abroad, in spite of the aggressive attempts to made me stay.

It’s now been 12 years since. I have done the sacrifice of going back every Christmas just not to make my parents feel abandoned, just to end up being insulted (or more rarely slapped in the face) anyway.

I once was back the first year of Covid. As the restrictions were starting to loosen up, my mother aggressed me, so I threatened not to see them ever again unless they would go to family therapy with me. Took me 2 months of almost no contact to convince them. Even then, the therapist told me (in front of them) to detach myself from them as they will not change their ways.

My parents are convinced that their behaviour is just part of being a good parent and still think they were better parents than their parents were. That’s why I feel too sorry for them to stop all contact. They genuinely don’t understand what they’re doing wrong and I trust they always tried their best.

I’ve been trying to explain to them for 12 years with no success what is wrong. The psychologist also had no success (they dropped out of the sessions as soon as they felt they “had”me again).

I take more and more distance year after year and my mother complains more and more that this is not fair, that she was a good mother and I treat her badly by not responding to her messages enough.

I wish I could just bear my parents’ presence for the rest of their lives, as an act of compassion towards them. Unfortunately violent thoughts become increasingly present when they disrespect me and I do not like feeling this way.

I want peace.

I would like to find the most graceful way possible to cut contact with them forever but I feel so sorry for them I haven’t managed to do so yet.

I know honouring parents and staying calm in front of injustice and violence are recurring themes in Buddhism.

Can someone here help me find the way forward?

-

EDIT:

just to clarify some misunderstandings, yes, I know they are suffering too. They suffer a lot more than me, actually. That’s why I felt too sorry to leave them all this time, as they would lose their only daughter and I know it would be a big deal for them.

I am at peace with my life now… up until I see a message from my mother, or up until Christmas time comes up. As long as I’m far from them I feel really good with my life. I get to help people almost daily and I have beautiful friendships where I am now. I now feel good about myself and others’ happiness.

I really feel I grew out of this in the past years.

I’m just worried about whether I should stop visiting them and worried about not hurting them if/when I make the cut.

Often, when I post here, I get told to find a teacher.

I live in central Europe and the only temples close to me are extremely expensive to do activities is.

So I have a stupid question: are teachers supposed to be free of charge for students to interact with?

Because I wonder how much it’s a privileged thing to do, to have a teacher.

How can I find one if I don’t have the budget to join paid Buddhist activities at the nearby temples?

I made a post earlier but I think I explained myself really badly (maybe because I’m ESL?) so I got a lot of hate for ideas I don’t actually hold.

So deleted it and will try again, because I’d really appreciate your advice/opinions.

So…

I practice RA but not a lot of people around me do. I am pansexual and like to have intimacy with friends of mine if the connection is strong and we seem to be sexually compatible.

I have this friend, let’s call her Marta, who is bi and has been flirting with me for a while. I will see her this weekend, actually, and I was considering sleeping with her if the occasion arises.

However there’s something that makes me hesitant on whether it’s a good idea to get entangled with her.

She seems to be surrounded by a lot of drama around who she sleeps with and I’m not really a fan of drama. however we have a fwb in common who assured me repeatedly that the drama is always someone else’s fault.

I am already very suspicious, but up until yesterday I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Then yesterday she told me something that made me uncomfortable, and I guess that’s mainly what I would like your opinion on.

We were playing boardgames with a couple of good friends of hers (who are currently engaged): Ralph and Tara. She mentioned how she met Tara: she was flirting with her but then nothing happened and they just stayed friends.

Marta was already a very good friend of Ralph and still is. They all laugh about it and all is good.
The 3 of them seem to be very good friends and often spend time together.

Now… When the couple left the boardgames session, Marta confessed to me that at some point PRIOR to the couple dating (a few years ago) she made out with Ralph at a party. They weren’t dating yet, so it was not cheating. However, she told me they never told Tara as they don’t know how she would react (since she’s monogamous and engaged) and asked me to keep the secret. I think she is afraid that if she knew that something happened between them, Tara would not want to hang out with them all together as much.

This is making me really scratch my head. Is Marta really a person I want to get involved with? I discussed with the friend we have in common and he seems to think this is okay, as it’s just to protect Tara’s feelings, while I consider it a bit of a red flag that Marta would deliberately hide from her monogamous friend what happened between Ralph and her.

I just want to make sure I don’t sleep with someone who will bring more drama into my life, but I wonder if this could simply be avoided by having a conversation prior and setting some rules, like “If we sleep together I’d want to know if you are intimate with my close friends”. Do you think it would be a reasonable request?

Disclaimer, because it was a common misunderstanding in my previous post: no, I am NOT planning to go and tell Tara about what happened. This post is exclusively to get advice on how to proceed with Marta, and kindly ask your opinion on whether her behaviour is really a red flag or I am just overreacting.

(sorry English is not my first language)

I like this woman, let’s call her Mary, and I’m getting closer to her, so I’m now considering sleeping with her (I already know she’s interested and considering it too)

One thing about her makes me hesitant in getting entangled with her, though, and I would like your opinion on whether it’s reasonable to worry or not.

Mary has a couple of friends, Raph and Tina that are engaged with each other. Mary will be Raph’s witness at their wedding.

Thing is… About a year or two ago, while the 3 of them were still single, Mary passionately kissed Raph at a party and apparently they were not under the influence of alcohol (not sure if relevant).

Mary also flirted with Tina, back when the latter was still single

Now… Raph IS aware of Mary flirting with his gf before they were together, but Tina does NOT know about Mary kissing Raph back then.

They often hang out together (the 3 of them) and I find it a bit awkward that Tina doesn’t know what happened between the other 2.

Mary claims to be a good friend of Tina but won’t mention what happened to her

Unrelated to this couple, I also have a male friend wb in common with Mary and I know she doesn’t want her friends to know she sleeps with him.

I have this weird (mild) red flag feeling about the secrecy around who she sexually interacts with that reminds me of (although it’s not exactly the same as) old don’t ask don’t tell agreements I had in previous toxic relationships when I was younger.

Which is surprising because she has otherwise very strict ethics about not engaging with people who are “taken” or in a vulnerable position exiting a relationship, so the only point I’m worried about is the selective and occasional secrecy around the identity of her sexual partners.

Do you find her behaviour problematic enough that I should refrain from sleeping with her? Should I make sure to address it with her before, if I do?

Or do you think it’s not really that serious and shouldn’t really lead to problems between me and her?

How would you suggest I proceed?

TLDR: is it a red flag that Mary wouldn’t mention to her friend Tina that she kissed Tina’s bf a few years ago before they were together? And the 3 keep hanging out like nothing happened