Passed with mid NBMEs + insane imposter syndrome
Hello everyone! I really wanted to give back to this community as it has been my go to sub since I ever started preparing.
Honestly this journey was very long, and it was all about believing in myself and in God.
When I first started my prep 3 years ago, I would score so low on Uworld blocks, like 20-30% on a 40 questions block. So many times I had no idea what the diagnosis of th question is, and it took me years of on and off studying to get to a point where I was comfortable with the blocks. In the end, I managed to get 60-70% usually on blocks despite having very pessimistic thoughts in the beginning of the journey that I will never be able to make it. I so so so many times wondered if I am even smart enough to pass the exam, and so many times I wanted to give up, but it was so refreshing to finally reach a point where I was making drastic improvements.
I think what was unique about my journey was that I had a very tragic experience happen to me when I was preparing for the exam. I lost a sibling, and I remember it was so bad initially that I would just go to the library and have tears pouring down on my first aid book silently as I tried to process what had happened while also studying for the exam. I initially had my date booked when this happened, but I really felt so chaotic emotionally, that I felt like it was not the best time to give the exam. I decided to go on an Umrah when my triad was expiring, which is an Islamic pilgrimage, to pray for my sibling.
Many people often believe that the first time you see the Holy Kaabah, the prayer you make at that time comes true. When I saw it for the first time, I prayed that whatever good I do in this life, do not give the good deeds to me, but to give to my dead sibling instead. I then prayed for my Step exams, and set every intention that I tend to do good as a doctor. That I want to learn from the best, to be able to do the best for the unfortunate. I think many of you can relate to this, we all at one point chose to become a doctor so that we can do good. I think just remembering that intention, and knowing that it came from a pure heart is so crucial to understand God will help you in the process. When I made this prayer, I truly felt at peace, and I found myself being able to study more peacefully. When I continued on to Madinah on my trip, in one of my dreams on a rainy day, I saw my dead sibling happy and accomplished with medals. At that point I knew God had accepted my prayer and I had to do my very best to do so much good deeds in this lifetime.
My nbmes were also very mid, the highest I reached was 67% on nbme 33 online. I did get 71% on free120 2024 and 78% on the new free120 2026 questions. I felt very calm when the time became near to my exam, and the timing just felt right. I also quit my job to focus more on the exam, and I did at one point feel like I was putting everything on the line. I did feel very anxious after the exam as I remembered sooooo many silly mistakes but I had a firm belief God will help me pass and accept my prayer. Even if you are not religious, you must believe whatever you do with a pure intention and pure hard work, the universe rewards you for it. Remember why you started. This is probably one of the most noble profession out there and you most likely chose it because it was so. Do not forget that. You are going to pass.
As God says, I am as my servant thinks I am. Believe He will never let your efforts go in vain. Be honest with yourself about your short comings and work on your weaknesses. There is no hard work that ever goes unacknowledged by Him. Please help your friends too who are on the same journey!! Yes its a competition but I think God helps you more when you help others. The med school culture sometimes can get so toxic and disheartening, but the support I got from this subreddit was so so so kind and I am so grateful. See you guys in the Step 2 sub!!