CHS running my relationship
Hello peeps,
I’ve come here as a last resort. I (25M) have a partner who has had her 4th CHS attack that sent us to the ER for over a week. We talked about her quitting (I quit months ago) and she said she doesn’t ever want to smoke again because of how horrific this last experience was. For about a week and a half this went well, I got her a sleeping aid I devoted all my time to supporting her through her battle to quit. I would suggest we go for long hikes and she said this helped and was really fun, we went for bike rides and I got the same response, the sleep aid was helping knock her out and let her actually rest. Unfortunately she works in and industry where smoking on the job is almost the norm. Her coworkers always smoke at work, the first week and a half she was able to say no. Today though she accidentally whipped out a weed vape infront of me. I asked what it was because I was suspicious and she told me it was a fancy nicotine vape. Since my suspicion grew I asked to hit it (I can’t smoke because I get tested regularly for work) she hesitated and said “no… I lied it’s a dab pen”. I genuinely got so dissapointed and so frustrated that I couldn’t speak to her for 2 whole hours. Once I calmed down I asked to talk about this situation and she said okay. I told her I can’t be doing the lying, and I cannot go through another one of these episodes because it genuinely hurts my soul to see her in the hospital sleeping/in immense pain/and constant vomiting. I also am really just starting to second guess every moment of the past week and a half. She told me that at work people were passing it around and she decided to hit it. I obviously do not want to leave her due to this problem but idk what else I can say (given this has been a problem for the past year followed by this same conversation of I want to stop I never want to go through that again) to get her to actually stop. I’m starting to feel like no matter how I try and help, whether it’s through partnered exercises, drawing together, talking, watching movies, etc. she won’t stop. As someone who works in a hospital as a medical professional I have done extensive research on CHS and obviously I have learned that not only will it come back, but it will continue to worsen and be a more often occurrence. This problem will start to bleed us dry financially too, constant hospital trips, me consistently having to beg someone to take my shifts or just fully calling off for weeks at a time. I need advice and I need it ASAP, what can I do and say to get her to stop. I personally was also a daily user who would smack the bing every day all day until I got this job and quit cold turkey. I was able to and I need her to. How can I help her? Please offer some advice this is driving me crazy. Not to mention every time I get upset about this I get told that I’m spiraling and I’m overreacting and need to let her do what she wants to do. As a couple shouldn’t we be trying to work together? Shouldn’t we be trying our best to be eachothers best self for eachother not to mention for our selves?:( idk what to do
PS I’m genuinely loosing it, sleepless nights of just contemplating the past 5 years of this relationship and the potential lies. I always told her “babe you gotta slow down and chill a bit with the weed you can get CHS again” and she always told me she only does it at night (this has to have been a lie)….