I don't know what the fuck to do with my life, and I'm terrified of the future
I'm 18-years-old, and I'll be turning 19 in a month. I just finished my first year of college, and I'm currently taking a summer class, that I'm actually planning to drop if I can (and I'll explain why in a second)... I'm an undeclared undergraduate, but I'm taking courses to be a nurse. Or at least courses I need to take to be accepted into pre-nursing first.
The issue is that i have ZERO passion in being a nurse. I'm not a people-person, I act like an idiot when I'm nervous, I fold EASILY under pressure, and i'll probably break down in tears if someone gives me attitude or gets frustrated with me. I don't even know if I can even handle looking at wounds or giving people shots. I don't want to pursue something I'm going to HATE years later. And honestly, I can't see myself working in healthcare. I'm only doing this because it's a practical career, not because I'm interested in it at all.
I'm afraid to talk about this with my parents because I feel like they'll assume I'm giving up because I'm failing my physiology class. And, oh my god, I did not think I was capable of doing two all-nighters in one week. That class is so stressful, and this is just my second week. There is SO MUCH information thrown at me at once. I lost so much sleep trying to grasp what I needed to know for the first exam, and I didn't even get to fully go over everything. But, even if I had more time to study, I feel like this would still be SUPER difficult to me. And I knew this class wouldn't be easy... I was mentally preparing myself before my first day, lol. But, this class just made me realize that I don't think any of this is interesting at all. I'm not interested in biology, chemistry, or anatomy, and I never have been. But, at the same time, I feel like I'm just afraid of failure.
I love drawing and writing fiction, but I only see these things as hobbies. I'm not as good as other artists who share the same hobbies. I'm not a good artist, but I'm not terrible either. I'm intermediate at best. But, then again, I'd prefer keeping writing and drawing as hobbies.
And now i'm question what the hell do i want to do with my life?!?!??!?!??! i don't want to pursue something i'm actually passionate in, but at the same time I don't want to pursue something that I'm not passionate in. How do people decide what they want to do in the future at the age of seventeen??? AM I SLOW??? I've joked about dropping out and working minimum wage the rest of my life, but AM I EVEN JOKING ANYMOREEE?? I FEEL LIKE A WASTE OF POTENTIAL. this has been haunting me for the past two days since i got a 56% on my exam in my physiology class. I don't know if I'm doubting myself, lacking motivation, or have absolutely no passion in being a nurse. i feel so confused.
This felt more like venting than asking for advice. has anyone experienced something similar to this?