Should I report or not? [MI]
Please don’t judge me & yes I am getting therapy.
TLDR: I am in HR investigations, had a relationship with a leader, found out he was grooming a prior intern, want to report but am concerned of the impact on my career.
Some background: I (30F) work in HR investigations. I am very good at my job and am well respected. I have increased awareness into our investigation process and policy violations and I am aware that I played a part in wrongdoing here. I am also aware that if I reported him he would get fired.
I met an HR senior leader (45M) through a mentoring program three years ago. We started talking outside of work (he would occasionally message me then gradually increased) and then talked every day. He is incredibly well respected and on a fast track to success. Six months ago we began sleeping together. We wanted to pursue an actual relationship and planned to disclose our relationship. This past weekend I read his texts and he was doing the same thing with his prior intern, who’s probably like 22. He absolutely lost it, threatened to kill himself, and cut me off.
Looking back on it now, it feels manipulative. He provides immense praise and admiration for many young females, recommends them for roles (I got my role because of him), and supports them in their careers. Obviously few if any get to the point I did where they would see this side of him, so he’s viewed as incredibly kind and a strong leader.
Anyways, I know HR doesn’t care if my feelings got hurt.
With the information and proof I have, he would be terminated. He has told me confidential information, looked up whether or not I was promoted, influenced my career, always checked in on me through my leadership, and then the intern thing.
But I’m having a moral dilemma about reporting him or not, as 1. He has kids and is suicidal, 2. Selfishly, I am concerned about the impact on my own career. Everyone who investigates this or looks into the issue will be my colleagues. Genuine question, will this impact the way they see me for leadership and roles down the road? If so how?