u/Friendly-Bread3200

To start this I’m not claiming to have adhd but I have most symptoms of it and getting a diagnosis will probably take years for me or lots of money. But every time I pray i genuinely cannot focus and as I’m praying I’m telling myself to focus and just from that I get even more distracted. It’s like I’m praying in autopilot which I know is bad and I know I need to change but I cannot focus at all my brain always has a bunch of thoughts 24/7. I’m not sure if this is okay but what I’ve been doing is basically translating whatever I’m saying during prayer into English in my head so I’m focusing on the translation but that too has started to become a habit that it also feels like autopilot. I don’t know what to do because I know that my prayers might be invalid but I genuinely cannot focus. And another big thing is that from my understanding khushu is focus and being present during prayer right? Because I find it hard to understand thy concept so I’m also wondering what does khushu feel like to other people and also how can I find ways to focus.

For the past 6 months everything has been going pretty well for me and I’ve actually been the most ’religious’, you could say in my whole life. After Ramadan there was this dua that I had been wishing for years that got rejected. After that I don’t know what’s happened to me but I don’t trust Allah anymore and I can’t make dua at all. Every time I do all I think about if there’s any point in making dua and even when I’m crying sometimes it feels like I’m crying to nothing. I know Allah is real I just feel like he ignores me. And I feel even worse because the sins i stopped committing for the sake of Allah over these past 6 months I’ve gone back to them and so when I think about it I know Allah is all forgiving but I feel like I’m taking advantage of his forgiveness. It’s like I can’t feel anything as if I’m numb . When I pray I no longer have focus and also my duas feel empty so does reading the Quran. I just don’t understand how much more do I need to do. Allah said that with hardship comes ease and I’ve had probably the worst year since last September and yet I don’t see any ease I only feel worse and now I feel alone. My progress Ive made so far is gone now. I know posting here won’t help but I guess it helps me get it out.