I don't understand girls
20M here. I went into dating apps recently not expecting much reception; mostly with the understanding that there are many men on these apps and that most are toxic. I was mostly looking for female friends and maybe a friend to gf relationship type of thing but holy shit.
<sorry in adv for the 1.7k word essay>
I think I look pretty average, chatgpt gave me a score of 7.5 to 8.5 supposedly but i think im more of a 6/10. Looks aside it is unbelievably hard to find a match.
I understand that most guys like me will have to send likes to girls esp with such a competitive window, so I didn't really care for receiving likes. However, I'm the type to study profiles and attach catered messages, so it gets exhausting after thinking and writing for so many different profiles just to get ghosted but wtv i guess its part and parcel esp with so many guys on the app. As the person who'd sent the like I'd have to start the conversations (which I dont have problems with, thats to be expected). Its just that after starting the convos it gets dry, for eg: <for someone who put basketball on their list of hobbies>
Me: "Hey I like basketball too, but I'm terrible at it."
Me: "When I play with my friends I'm usually the one who throws the balls anyhow lol"
Her: "HAHAHA sameee"
Me: "The last time we played I somehow scored the most while my competitive friends missed a lot."
Me: "They said the ring was bent so that's why they cannot score the usual way lol but idk cuz I noob"
Her: <replying to the last msg I sent>
"Yeah probably"
And then radio silence. Tf am I supposed to say??? If I go on and ask, "When's the last time you played basketball" or "Where do u usually play at" I'd just get a direct ans. That's just interviewing no? Its either that or I'd just get something that's very hard to reply to like "HAHAHAHA". How do I reply to that??? The weirdest part is if yall aren't interested then why bother replying? The replies come relatively quick too, sometimes instant. Like wtf.
I've listed some stuff on my profile, I'd really appreciate a question back, or a continuation of an experience you've had, a sign of interest if any. Just a friendly conversation would be nice. I mean they liked me back out of the many other men who'd sent them stuff. I can take initiative but I can't prompt myself. Sometimes I'd check in asw, like:
Me: "How's sch?? Yest u told me smt abt a presentation? How did that go?"
Her: "It was fine hehe"
No "hbu", no elaborations, nth. Even a random food pic of what they had for lunch or smth wld be nice or a random rant about some rock she saw on the floor wld be funny. Like you can talk about yourself, what u did that day or a random fun fact, all the little 'uninteresting' mundane things cuz after all im talking to u because im interested in u and I wanna know YOU better!! Literally anything, even the smallest shit but instead its just radio silence.
It's either that or when I bring up adjacent topics, like:
Me: "Oh you like going to Kyoto too?"
Me: "I went there last year to visit the temples and shrines, its damn peaceful"
Her: "Yeah I like the food there its so gdd"
Me: "Ifkr, I love the takoyaki there it literally melts in ur mouth."
Her: "The clothes there are very stylish"
Me: "Yeah, I tried to buy some but only realised later that the sizes are smaller than in sg :/"
Her: "I usually go thrift shopping there"
Me: "Oh that's so cool"
Her: "Yeah the designs are p unique"
Me: "Ooh so what'd u get?"
And just follow up qns with straight answers again until we hit a dead end. Nothing really wrong with this, maybe its on me for tryna steer the convo so I can plug in some funny stories but it sucks that my adjacent prompts are ignored while I try to accommodate to the conversation's direction; there was no "oo yea the temples look pretty wdyt of these photos" or "yeah i've been to some of the food stalls too" or "haha you fat issit?" or "u nvr go fitting rm try first?" or even an acknowledgement like "ye". Not to mention the ghosters and ppl who say I look like their fwb or some fuckboy ffs. Some told me that its meant to be a compliment but if it was reversed, and I described u with some promiscuous adjective, wldn't it be rude?
I get that everyone's busy and has their own life, maybe they don't have the energy to send much or anyth or are very passionate about a specific topic, but a clear indication would be nice. Like I don't know if you're 100% not interested in me, find me annoying when i yap to fill the void, busy with other chats or something else. I will try my best to adapt and understand, but I can't with zero communication. Being acquaintances, I can't just freely express myself bluntly either.
I get ya'll have many options, maybe a heavily involved social life or get drained from convos with other people, and perhaps I'm at the bottom of the barrel, or maybe its cuz im socially awk with too much time to myself, but pls understand that this is difficult for me too. I recognise that a lot of men can be weird and downright predatory on such apps, but to an everyday joe like me who doesn't wanna get in ur godamn pants and just wants ppl around the same age to yap to, silence is deafening and a lack of curiosity cuts deeper than you'd otherwise think. Im big on sincerity so convos like these hurt more than usual.
It takes 2 to tango bro, im so fricking done with texting drywall. I'd chalk it up to incompatibility but I've been running into this way too often to just ignore. The end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end the end is never the end is never the end is never the end
Before yall say "yea its a dating app what do u expect", as much as I'd want to I can't exactly just go up to a random girl in Singapore and ask them out, as a guy that's like harassment here (and for good reason), I'm not hot enough to do that lmao. Going up to a girl and calling her cute sounds really superficial and perhaps disrespectful too, and I get the impression that 10000 guys have alrd called her pretty so what makes my average ass so special? That's just harassment. Compliments only mean something if you look like idk fucking Cha Eun Woo or Chris Hemsworth or smtg. Meeting in person can sometimes be hard too (from what I've heard some fuckwits stalk girls home after dates and shit so I don't really bring it up unless they suggest that they're open to it but we can't even hold a casual convo so whats the point?).
Aside from the apps, i dont really know of any other easily accessible platform to mingle with people around my age without focus groups that target people passionate about a specific topic (im a person who knows a lot of topics but i suck when it comes to the specifics of any one). It doesn't help that I constantly hear reports of some stupid men doing stupid things to girls; it makes it very hard for me to want to make moves or make attempts to flirt for fear of causing offense.
Fk lah iw a srs rs but yall making this so hard. Maybe im the issue. I take to heart the saying where if everyone has a problem with u, u are the common denominator and are hence the problem; so im jst gnna retire on a farm and hug animals and plants so i wont die alone ig.
I give up ah ig some of us aren't cut out for this shit. To all the godamn lucky couples i keep seeing in public u better treasure it, cuz to some its a privilege to have someone to worry about, someone to look forward to, someone to laugh with, someone to love and be loved by exclusively. I'm no longer in a feasible position to have frequent opportunities to start organic relationships so be especially happy if you'd gotten into a rs outside of apps.
Hold pen not hand my ass, those raw unfiltered friendships and relationships are never gonna come back once everyone's old and scarred enough to put up superficial walls. You can always get a degree when ur 30, and education doesnt guarantee success anyways. Nowadays the safety net is more of the people u know rather than the papers u have cuz of the sheer saturation of them. I regret being a stupid nerd back then. We aren't all built for the traditional route anyway, we don't all need to be valedictorians. These r just my honest pent up frustrations and opinions abt relationships, I'm not tryna offend anyone.
If u read the whole thing tysm for taking the time to read this monstrous rant.
TLDR: I'm so sick of taking so long to match with someone only to have dry ass conversations.
PS. All examples are adapted from actual convos with topics modified and texting styles changed.
Also another note: To those who say "to have loved and lost or to not have loved at all" srsly? Let me phrase it differently, would you prefer to have been wealthy and gone broke or be broke, barely scraping by all your life? Both of those options suck, its like would u rather sore throat or migraines? I'd rather be healthy thanks. Its human nature to want to be with someone, most of us are social creatures by heart.