u/Fun_Swordfish_7837

Ever since I was kid, I had always find math difficult. I'm a very slow learner compared to most, I can't understand anything the teacher is saying and it often leaves me confused, lost, and it makes me feel how stupid I really am. The only time I've actually liked and enjoyed math (not that I hate it) was back in 6th grade when I had this amazing tutor that actually focused on me. My grades went from B- to A-, but after that, everything just seemed to fall apart, no teacher ever made me feel understood, they'd always say, "Math is easy if you're willing to learn." Or "Math isn't hard, it's your mind telling you that." Believe me when I say I try my very best to be like my peers, but no matter how hard I try, I could never be as fast as them. Last year, I had an engineer/ Science and Technology Engineering teacher tutor me, it was as if Math finally made sense, like I was my 6th grade self again, but I wasn't consistent as it was expensive and I had other subjects to focus on other than Math so I started slacking off (This one's on me, but I was physically and mentally drained to even do anything.) Right now, whenever I have Math classes, I always prepare myself with the thought, "You need to get used to feeling stupid during this class." Because at home, I always cry myself to sleep just because of Math. I want to learn, I'm tired of feeling this stupid, but how?

I miss the feeling and the routine. ever since I could remember I've been drinking in a bottle (my mother couldn't breastfeed at all). When I was in kindergarten, I drank milk after school for a nap and them before bed at night, and it continued like that for years! The only reason I stopped is because the nipple of the bottle broke. If it didn't, I'd still probably use it. I think about it when I'm stressed, zoning out, or seeing kids on social media since I used to be like that as well. Also, it comforted me when I was in 4th grade after I got sexually assaulted and instead of telling someone I could trust, I simply drank milk from my bottle. I'm so embarrassed to say this at 14 and am scared to receive judgment from people who simply wouldn't understand. What would a psychiatrist say? What if people think I'm age regressing...