Any parents with depersonalisation?
Hi everyone!
I had the horrible experience of psychosis in October, which led to depersonalisation after tapering off Dexamethasone too quickly.
The whole experience felt like my brain was breaking apart and that everything in my life up until that point had somehow been a lie. I developed this horrible fear that I had been living through a false self all along. It feels like I’m masquerading as the person I used to be.
It’s felt like a complete loss of self and identity.
The loss of self has been terrible to work through, but having my loved ones somehow feel like strangers has been horrific. The depersonalisation itself has improved a lot, but I still feel very emotionally numb and the worst part is the lingering detachment I feel from my daughter. I’m constantly subconsciously checking my feelings to see if I’m feeling enough or loving her enough.
I know I’m a damn good dad, especially given the circumstances. But I just want to wake up in the morning, look forward to spending the day with her, and stop overthinking everything. I miss spontaneously feeling joy and happiness around her, my family and friends.
I’m terrified i have lost some parts of myself that i can never get back.
Have any other parents gone through something similar and managed to get through it?