Day one, quit many times
I’ve smoked off and on for like 15 years. I take long breaks when I try to quit, the longest I’ve probably gone is about two years. But I keep going back. So maybe I have at least five to eight years of continuous smoking if I had to count. I relapsed again and smoked almost a pack yesterday.
I was lying in bed and thinking to myself last night “please don’t kill me” like telling myself that.
As a male I thought smoking would increase my testosterone. Thats probably not true, but somehow I convinced myself of that. It also feels like a consolation when I have nothing else to look forward to.
But I’m not ready to die, and this is not worth dying for or having serious health consequences.
I don’t want to do Nicotine Anonymous, because those 12 step programs are a grind, but AA worked really well for alcohol and drugs for me. I don’t want to ruin my health. Hopefully I smoked my last cigarette, and I don’t want to use any nicotine replacement or vaping or zyn if I don’t have to. It’s not cool for me anymore, it probably never was.