Tried out writing. Any good?
Have never really tried out writing, but I decided to see if I’m any good. Chose some subject, planned, and wrote a page. Provided a really small excerpt to judge. Is it fine, and any visible areas I can improve on, or that I did bad at? (Or too small to judge properly?) Really any feedback would help.
Excerpt below:
“God help us, we cannot stop them. They have smashed through the barricades. Do not come for us.”
Final telegraph from Port-Au Prince
December, 1801
The HMS Louis swayed gently beneath their feet as the revolutionary council congregated upon its decks with a clear view of the coast nearby, dotted with thousands of tiny campfires, their smoke reaching into the sky like greedy claws.
Louverture leaned into his chair, clasping his hands together as he regarded the squabbling officials on the long table before him. His mind wandered onto the French force on the beach nearby.
“Louverture, what do you think?”
The voice cut through his hazy thoughts, awakening him as he looked across the table at his companions, who were waiting expectantly for his answer. There was an air of anxiety about all of them. They had been taught into submission by their French overlords, and to fear the whip when they were slaves. They had never truly lost that, and it was ignited as Napoleon landed 50,000 troops before them to crush the rebellion. Ill need to attend to that later, he noted, thinking. For now..
“We shall not submit, we have driven them out previously, and shall do so once more.”
He proclaimed. It was met with a wave of whispers, and looks of uncertainty were cast his way.
“Louverture, their forces are tenfold larger than ours! Fighting that is a sure-fire way to ensure the death of our people.”
Only a faint banging noise below deck answered him. Louverture looked around. He couldn’t discern the source, Probably loose barrels in the hold, he thought, disregarding it.
“Napoleon promised he would not enslave us! Our families and our soldiers will be massacred if we do not surrender. Only a mad-man would continue the fight.”
, another attendee shouted, desperation lining his voice as the people seated around the table nodded in agreement. Louverture grew inpatient. What an insufferable man, can he not see? He thought, annoyed. He opened his mouth to retort back at the man
“How dare y-“
He was cut off by a loud bang, coming from the hold door behind him. Then another, and another, as the entire table looked towards the door.
Louverture gestured to the door, speaking to a nearby officer supervising the meeting
“Please, silence that noise at once”
As the officer approached the door, a uniformed man broke the door off the hinges, crashing through and landing face-down on the hardwood deck.
Great, a drunk sailor, Louverture thought. The officer screamed:
“Get up, sailor! What are you doing?”
The man, though, did not respond. He began shambling to his feet as the officer kept screaming orders at the sailor.
“Useless man, answer me!”
The sailor stood, and Louverture could finally see his face properly. His skin was yellow, and his mouth was hanging open, with a hunk of meat ripped from his cheek, its blood staining his face and his ripped clothes. He steadily turned towards the officer, glassy eyes glaring at him.
“I said, answ-“
The ‘man’ let a low, inhuman growl escape his throat and lunged towards the officer, sinking his yellowed, jagged teeth into the soldiers neck and staining the weathered hardwood decks with his blood as he clawed at his uniform and flesh.
The assembly was plunged into chaos.