Advice following wild performance review
I had a wild performance review earlier this week which I’m still in shock from. I actually do not know how to move forward.
I’m a pretty motivated project coordinator (30s, F), currently super bored and underpaid. I have been pushing hard for promotion for 18 months, regularly request feedback and milestones to work towards, and seek advice from mentors in the company.
I consider myself a high performer, but the reality is I hyper-fixate. I can’t switch my mind off when I’m in work mode but also, I don’t want to. Sometimes this means I find gaps, which maybe others don’t like being found. But when it comes to work I find it challenging to play the game, or more accurately forget I’m meant to be playing the game. But I also get a lot of great feedback about my positive energy at work.
So, back to the review. Despite satisfying 100% of the outstanding requirements to get my skill level upgraded (necessary for management consideration), and zero new requirements introduced, my skill level was decided to not be upgraded. HR ‘think’ they can get me there in one more year. And then it would be more yearly cycles until management consideration - except it got weirder. They randomly said, “I just don’t see you as a manager here, not even in a year or two. Something about you is off, maybe like your vibe”.
And because I have social anxiety, I became upset at the thought of my colleagues talking about me in a negative way, to which HR said, “you’re just reinforcing that I’m right about this” which made me even more upset. They kept repeating how negative I am, which was super awkward because I’d actually prepared a document listing all my achievements and wins in the last year, but they announced they had to leave as I tried to show them, so they only scanned it. And because the entire situation was so awkward I couldn’t stop crying. I’m not an emotional person, but there was something about being called ‘off’ and being told I’ll never be promoted despite having near perfect feedback, while trying to present my achievements to someone halfway out the door just broke something in my brain and I short circuited.
Anyway.. my industry is super small and currently not doing well so I’m worried about finding more work. I’m also really worried about starting somewhere else where I have to start the cycle of proving myself again. I also love my job and want to be there until I retire. Thoughts?
EDIT: my performance review was based off collated feedback from people across the company, including teams I manage, and teams who manage me. It was overwhelmingly positive, the main note was how approachable and friendly I am. I wasn’t given any feedback that mentioned having poor people skills, actually the opposite.