This world is so beautiful and painful
This world is so beautiful. It is so extraordinary that I look up at the clouds every day in wonder, and I feel thankful for this planet and our atmosphere. I feel thankful for our sciences and culture, and the people I get to see each day. I get to witness people feeling the highest arcs of joy and elation, and the depths of pain and sorrow. It is all one beautiful thing.
I love this world. I love these people. I love what reality is to me, and I want to continue living in it.
I hear music each day that makes my heart soar up to those clouds, I fly with them and witness our home in all its majesty and glory.
This world is such an effective conduit for hate and despair. I am enraged that the people in my trans community are hurt and scared. I hate that some people need something to hate. I hate that people pretend like they know why we’re here, when nobody truly does. I hate that there are people who would want to kill me solely because I am trans. I spend my days looking at the world in awe. I do not ever want to hurt someone, I would take care of those even who would hurt me. I think there is also pain in the fear that they feel that is predicated on a critical lie.
It is painful to live in fear, whether that fear be based in fabrication or reality.
My fear is based in the reality that I or someone in my community may be hurt by someone who hates me for what I am, or that my government will call for the eradication of trans people and that there will be genocide.
The fear that trans people are a threat to anyone’s livelihood is based on a fabrication that secured power for someone who wanted it in order to have greater schemes for leeching the world of its resources and the people of their money.
We are gullible creatures. We want something to believe. I think it is better and more fulfilling to believe the truth instead, however.
The truth that people who hate me have been lied to and believed it enough to cultivate vitriol and rage toward what I am.
When in reality I am simply a reflection of the beauty around me, whether that beauty be pain or joy.
I want to continue living. I do not want to be in danger for what I am. I just want to live my life and remain in awe of this planetary palace we have been granted stay upon. I want to live here with all of you. I want us to learn to love it together, and to live in harmony even when we feel strife and discord.
I believe it is possible. I believe we can live together. I would believe it even staring hatred in the eyes as it takes my life. I will believe until I am dead that this world can be a good place for everyone to be, and that one day our civilization will be able to forfeit our reliance on comfortable lies that cost wellbeing and comfort for those they implicate.
I will continue praying for it as I look up at the clouds each day. That everyone will get the chance to see the world and all of its inhabitants with true awe and gratitude the way I do.