Wtf is my life anymore
FUCK THAT PHYSICS PAPER
I GENIUENLY CANT CONTINUE LONGER
Im this close to ending it, I just cant. IDK WHAT TO DO. feels like anything i try to do just wont work ffs 💔
I went ghost mode for the past two months, zero social life, my mental physical health are all on a decline. I lost all the progress i had in all the sports I did. I stopped physical activity. I deactivated my instagram. I locked tf outta myself.
I go do my pure 1 paper. Hurrendous. Silly mistakes 💔💔
I lock in i do 5 years for s1, i did decent. Avit of hope?
Now up for bio paper 2
I locked tf outta myself. I did papers from morning 6am till 10 pm. I memorize everything. Day of the exam i go sit with my teacher and i recite some syllabus to her. I go sit my exam and i look at the questions.
SAME SHIT I FUCKING RECITED TO THE DOT THAT LORNING.
I GRAB THE FUCKING PEN AND I CANT FYCKING WRITE FOR MY LIFE.
I FROZE.
The first question was so confusing. My brain stopped. I barely finsihed 70% and there was 10 min on tge timer. I lok at the last few quesyions the stress supressing my thoughts. I remember the answers, the same one so recited to tr that morning on the dot, yet I JUST FUCKING CANT I CANT I CANT. 10 WHOLE MINUTES I LOOK AT THE QUESTION AJD THE TIMER BACK AND FORTH I JUST COULDNT JUST WRITE IT 😢😢.
that shit broke me.
Took me the whoel day to heal.
I was like ok i can still make up for it right.
Physics next up practical.
For soke reason i fuck it up percentage uncertainty i used wrong formula when it was imprinted in my head, i do 50 silly mistakes.
But its okay yk shi happens right? Still got rest of A levels.
I go to the next exam. What do we have... oh chemistry next! 2 whole days im dead, i couldnt revise for shit i would sit there 2 hours staring at a wall cuz my brain rotted from the amount of studying i did for stats and bio.
2 more days to study, I revise everuthing.
Everything going good right i memorize all of the organic chems and everything?
Day of exam, paper comes, i read through the questions.
"Oj damn this is so easy and i studied it this lorning, but alas for some reason it just disapeared oh well"
Thats gone.
I hold my sabity one last time, with bare finger nails.
"Everuthing will be okay i got physics agead of me you cnat stop now.
Today i did my physics exam. Physics the subject i spentt most of my two months for.
Not only that bad there was this physics question that came in the exam about the ripple waves water whatever phase diff n shi.
That same topic i was teaching my friend that morning. I not only tought him but made him understand everything to the dot.
However, ofcourse for the millionth time im in the exam, I made the entire qurstion silly mistakes, actually THE ENTIRE FUCKING PAPER I COULDNT FUCKIBG UNDERSTAND SHIT FOR THE LIFE OF ME, ME AND THE QUESTIONS WERE JUST THERE STARING MAKING OUT ANYTHING BUT JUST FUCKING REMEMBERING WHAT I WORKED SO FUCKING HARDBFOR FUCK ME.
AND WHATS WORST IS I GENIUENLT DONT THINK IM EVEN GETTING LIKE WHAT FUCKING 10 MARKSS???? OUT OF 60
AND WHAT MAKES IT WORST IS THAT EVERYONE FOR SOME FUCKASS REASON IS SAYING ITS LIGHT WORK
AND YK WHATS SO FUNNY IS THAT IT WAS.
I CAME OUT THE EXAM AND NOT ONLY DID I REMEMBER HOW TO DO EVERYTHING TO THE DOT SUDDENLY BUT I EXPLAINED EVERYTHING TO MY FRIENDS, EVERY CORRECT ANSWRR THAT I DIDNT FUCKING WRITE I EXPLAINED IT YET I COULDNT DO IT IN THE EXAM EARLIER BUT FOR SOME REASON WHEN THE TIMER OF THE EXAM ENDS I FUCKING REMBER
FUCK ME
I cant do this im done. Im going therapy and some medical checkups right after im done from this cuz of how much ive veen fuked mentally and physically its geniuenly gonna be the end of me. I geniuenly see nothing i sacrificed allat for idk even anymore im ruined i just cant. CANT. CANT.