So for context, i am now F16, and when i was in 2nd grade, for the first time i was approached by an older man on roblox asking for my number, i gave it to him, and later he asked to see more of me. he knew my age to.
later in middle school, i was introduced to omegle, where i started seeking validation and attention through older men, where i would get their snaps, and we would send/s3xt, mind you they all knew my age 11-13. i was caught in 6th grade the first time by my parents, and was grounded, had to talk to police, and no phone for a few months. not once was i asked if i was ok, offered counseling, etc.
moving on to 7th grade where when i got my phone back i did it again, same thing, this time tho, it was more intense, i was offered money in exchange so i started charging other people, not once did i ever say i was over 18, so they all knew what they were getting into. yes i got scammed a few times. but this one time i was told if i didnt send/show more, this guy would send everything he had of me to my family, bc he "knew my parents instas" (he didnt, he lied and i believed him), so i got stuck talking to the same guy for a month, doing horrible things like making concoctions and ingesting it, or eating inedible things, or pulling my hair, carving things into my skin, putting things in my genitals that shouldnt be there, ect.
fast forward a day after my 13th bday so dec 21, i got caught again because i was trying to ask my bff if i could use her email to make a paypal acc on call and her dad was right there, so he called my dad. it was a whole traumatic thing i dont remember much from that night, i do remember my nose bleeding suddenly, and my dad punching out my light switch.
i was ripped out of public school and put on homeschool, i was grounded for a year or more, had no phone only my laptop and tv for school, i had to do extra chores, have uncomfortable talks with people, and wasnt aloud anywhere w out my parents. i was not offered counseling again, even tho they promised that, i was not offered a reassuring talk or even asked why i did it or what i was feeling. i was not offered any way to process everything. i was just punished.
its been 3 years since and im actually still dealing with the "trust" w my parents, like im still being treated like im being punished, like many restrictions on my phone, not aloud anywhere by myself much, cant have games on my phone, ect.
during that year of homeschool, i had horrible grades, i started sh, i gained SOOO much weight, i started nic, i attempted, and i still didnt process what had happened over that 2 years.
im now 16, and im just now processing what happened through therapy and such, and im wondering, was the way it all got treated by others correct? was i in the wrong? should i have known better? does this count as trauma? how should it have been handled? and was it my fault since i was the one going out there and seeking all this?
as of now, i have HORRIBLE judgment towards guys in the dating and friendship world, my ex relationships have all been intense, toxic, over sexual, and dangerous. i dont watch porn or see anything sexual online since it gives me flashbacks or just a very uncomfortable feeling. i stay away from nudes or anything like that. im still dealing w the consequences of what happened not just from my parents but also from my head, and my addictions i got from homeschool like sh, ed, and depression/extreme paranoia from other mental illness's. and i dont know what to call what happened to me bc it wasnt sa, it wasnt really grooming, idk. what would u call it? i also happened to have undiagnosed bpd at the time, so idk if that helps. thoughts?