I want to be an architect, specifically I want to go into a course that requires around a 75-80 atar. I have been invested in becoming one from childhood, mum's job brought the interest of architecture to both me and my bother. I've been going to open days since year 7, etc,etc.
I did Psychology accelerated through year 10 and 11, did horribly, 30 ss with an average sac score of like 60. And while i value what i learned from doing an accelerated subject, i feel like it killed my motivation and zest for life (i realised i haven't been doing my favourite things for the past 3 years), i've been stuck in freeze mode and have just been consistently tired and low mentally since. Regardless i told myself i would change in year 12, i have not. Im still lacking discipline and just overall academic will and therefore never doing enough study.
Ive gotten 83 and 88 on my food studies (im trying so hard to do better though because i know scaling will come for me) I have gotten 2 100's on my viscom sacs (we are doing the folio now God help me) a 90 on busman, waiting on the aos 2 result. 83 on English (im probably ruined for the creative writing sac tho) and a 60-70 and 60 on general maths (i have yet to get my actual results as my teacher has only given me an indication over parent teacher interviews, this genuinely had me sobbing and hyperventilating until all hours because I love math, I studied so hard and probably just had a false sense of security from doing well in 1/2 general, i am still trying my best to do better of course)
Apologies for the rant. Overall i feel like i'm self sabotaging myself, because i know i can do better but the procrastination and just being sad and scared all the time worrying about the future is just exhausting and i feel like i'm giving up subconsciously? I am no star student or an academic (obviously) but all this has me worried i'm not going to handle uni either, or get in for that matter.
How do i be more disciplined so i can get into my dream course??