Have been holding a lot lately
I’ve been holding a lot in lately and honestly can’t take it anymore, so I’m sharing this here.
I’m a girl (don’t want to reveal my age), General category, and I’ve taken multiple drops for NEET. Over the years, things haven’t really gone in my favour—I've had dengue before an exam, a panic attack during another, and this year I broke my leg a few weeks before NEET and was on bed rest for almost 3 months. Somehow, I still managed to get a decent score and rank.
I planned to take an education loan from XYZ Bank because the college I wanted was on their approved list, which meant a much lower interest rate. I also tried state counselling for lower-fee options. But after Round 3, when I finally applied for the loan, the bank told me the college had been removed from their list. Now I’m trying other banks and desperately looking for a reasonable loan option because I really don’t want to waste another year.
I feel extremely guilty that because I couldn’t get a government seat, my parents now have to go through so much financially. They’re supportive and willing to help, but sometimes I hear them saying things like, “She didn’t study enough,” and seeing them stressed makes me feel horrible.
Sometimes I get that “bojh wali feeling”, like my parents wouldn’t have to go through all this if I wasn’t here.
I’m just exhausted and don’t know how to deal with everything anymore. I’d really appreciate some advice or perspective.
Please don’t be unnecessarily negative or harsh.
Thank you for ur precious time .