Help please!
​
"We were best friends for ten years. Childhood. Matric. College. Same university. Same hostel. Same room. Everything was perfect until our opposite natures clashed.
I showed love through action—nursing her when sick, making breakfast, cleaning, managing her meds even when I was sick myself. She needed space. I tried. But she would talk to others happily while making me feel unwanted. I started having anxiety attacks because of her silence. I never told her. I was afraid she'd leave. She was my only best friend.
She had good moments—a birthday surprise, affection. But the bad got worse. Silent treatment. Blaming me. When I admitted my jealousy, she said 'I know.' When I asked if she felt suffocated, she said 'it's out of my control.'
Then the hostel kicked us out. Unsafe private hostels. Our parents found an apartment. We agreed. I took a stand for her against my own parents. Then she called: her uncle refused. She was leaving the degree. I yelled she was selfish.
She said: 'If I hadn't gone with you, I would have been saved.'
I reminded her of everything I did for her. She said: 'I didn't ask you to do that.'
Anxiety attack. I hung up. She blocked me everywhere. Said don't contact her again. I didn't.
Two weeks later, she came back. 'Yes or no — keep the friendship or end it.' No apology. No acknowledgment. When I hesitated, she said 'then it's over.' I agreed.
Her mother called me. Thought I ended it. Her daughter had lied. I told her mother everything. She said: 'You should have told me. You suffered all this alone.'
The next day, she blocked me on WhatsApp.
Now it's been months. I can't eat. Can't sleep. Anxiety attacks. Chest heavy when I hear her name. Dreams of her. Waking thoughts of her. My mind feels like it will explode. I've prayed Salat ul Hajat for peace.
And I keep asking: Am I the wrong one? The toxic one? A narcissist playing victim?
I don't want her back. I just want to stop thinking about her. I want peace. I want to know if I'll ever trust again."