TL;DR: We're ballpark near FIRE, I don't have job satisfaction, and I have too much independence for my own good. An acceptable response to this post would be "Go see a therapist" (and I probably should), but I also would really appreciate advice from others who have been in shoes similar to mine.

Overview

I'm stuck. I need advice badly. From the time I first got a job, my goal was "Retire at 35". It was mostly in jest, I never thought it would actually be possible. But now I'm seriously thinking that it might be. If not now, then at least not too far off from now. The problem I'm struggling with is more mental than financial, and I'm thinking its probably not a foreign problem to many readers/posters here, so I'm wondering if I can snag some free therapy/perspective from the FIRE crowd.

My partner and I are very similar in a lot of ways. Both SW Engineers, both are homebodies, both over-think/over-complicate things quite a bit. I worry a little less, he worries a little more, I'm a little more impulsive, he's a little more steady. Both of us are pretty frugal, no crazy expensive hobbies, no need for flashy belongings, entertained easily and simply.

Retiring now is probably borderline given our level of risk tolerance, but we're certainly not hurting, and the end of this phase of life seems like it could be near.

Financial Stats

• Our NW is 2.6M
• Current expenses ~75-80K a year.
• Combined salary is ~300K.
• House has 10y / 100K principle left to pay down at 3.5% - not counting in NW.
• NW is (very) roughly 50% in 401K/IRA/HSA accounts, 50% in taxable.
• Kids are not in our future, Marriage is, All parents/siblings financially secure, so not anticipating any expenses for familial support.

Therapy Time

I know we're in a great spot financially. I know this is a first world problem.

Problem is though, I'm struggling to continue working in lieu of how much has already been accomplished. I despise my job most days. I wake up and go to bed thinking about what needs to be done because I cannot drop it/disconnect. I don't work ridiculous hours (40-50), but I often have 6AM meetings, lots of frustrations working with an international team that the company hasn't really figured out how to coordinate well with. "A boss on each side of the globe" sort of situation. To make it worse, I took this job because I was burning out due to boredom at my old job (Same product line for 10+ years). The novelty of the new is starting to wear off at the new job, but now I have more responsibility, less familiarity, and the same general level of job satisfaction I was having when I switched (but more money, so I guess it was still a net positive change).

During the day, I find I'm not nearly as effective/enthusiastic as I used to be. The best days I have are those where I just put my head down and and solve problems/get work done without talking to a single soul, the worst days I have are... all the others. I don't feel much sense of comradery at my current employer, partially due to the international split, and partially because I don't really have much of a "Team" I interact with. All in all, it is purely a way to sock away wealth until I can ditch it, scratch the engineering itch by working on whatever obsessions strike me in the moment. I get some satisfaction from solving problems and building things, but I get that very same satisfaction from my hobbies/personal projects, even if I rarely actually run them to completion. Every Friday afternoon I smell the freedom and rejoice, every Sunday night the dread sets in. Some weeks are easier than others, some are harder than others, but I cannot shake the feeling that I do not want to do this anymore. My hobbies are slipping, I'm not as active as I should be, and I keep telling myself that if I could just retire, I'd have the time and energy to do the things I want to and should be doing, instead of crashing out from mental exhaustion at the end of every workday.

My partner does not have the same troubles. He likes his job, (or at least doesn't mind it), and is in no particular hurry to retire. He balances his work, hobbies, and exercise well.

My options as I see them:

• Keep working: Run my numbers with more detail until i know and can prove that we're at an acceptable level of risk, and we both ride off into the early retirement sunset.
• I stop working: My partner can keep working as long as they're content, without feeling much pressure to stay or go, as we're likely going to be fine either way.
  • I'd need more of a plan for this, and I personally would struggle with the feeling of being "unproductive". Our entire relationship my partner and I have been equals in terms of financial responsibility. It would feel very strange to step back at a time when he wouldn't do the same. I'd struggle with feeling like a burden, and that my early retirement happiness would be at the expense of extra pressure on him.
• We both stop working!: Paradise, sunshine and rainbows abound.
  • I'd need more of a plan for this, AND would have to convince my partner that it's solid. I don't think I'll be able to convince him its solid without 99.9999% success via all conventional scenarios, plus throwing in the downfall of the USA combined with an alien invasion.

I love my partner to death. Being with him is pure joy, and I'm so thankful that we found each other. However, we aren't married. Marriage is something that I never thought I'd be able to have growing up. Young me thought I'd be alone forever, and the life I make would be one I made by myself, for myself. That has obviously changed, and I couldn't imagine life without my partner. I'd sacrifice working till a normal retirement age and beyond for him if circumstances demanded it and I'd die happy knowing it was absolutely worth it. But I'm struggling to swap places. It's hard to imagine no longer being an equal earner, swapping my financial contribution to this relationship from adding to removing. It feels dirty to be thinking of marriage and retirement (or even taking a sabbatical) in the same breath, because IMO it seems to taint the former with the fact that it's also practical, and it suites my desires maybe a little better than our desires.

So yeah... like I said, "Go see a therapist" responses are almost certainly warranted, but please only state that if you also can relate. Sometimes a heart-to-heart with a complete internet stranger (as long as its not a bot...) can put things into perspective too. If you made it through this wall of text, I appreciate your time!