Being completely isolated and alone is the recipe for disaster for the mentally ill
First of all, I like to point out because most people don't even know not because of their fault but it's mental health awareness month. No one makes a big deal about it, because honestly people just don't give a fuck you're not gonna have parades like you have on pride and stuff about being mentally ill. It's not marketable and it's something that's not accepted, and I don't know if you're ever will be because at least my mental illness is a great flaw.
When I was in my mid 20s, my parents sent me to Colorado for mental health treatment. I had no money basically I was dealing with severe OCD and bipolar tendencies with very impulsive spending, including on stuff that cannot be mentioned here a lot. I was told I was gonna be in Colorado for like nine months until I show that I could be completely off of substances that were not prescribed to me. There's turned into a lie and now four years later it's literally just me in Denver alone.
I have severe severe OCD to the extent that at one point in my life, I had to urinate my bedroom as I was too afraid to leave to go to the bathroom next-door in my own apartment. I'm on medication now and it's like 25% helpful. My uncle always fucking pisses me off because she's always telling me oh I'm just not on the right medication, but he doesn't realize that the extent of suffering I have is not something that can be fixed by a medication. It's just a core like unfixable tenant of my life.
My parents threatened my relatives, not to talk to me and I'm not even joking between like my four aunts and uncles and all of their kids. I emailed all of them not one response. Like it was so consistent among like the 10 relatives I posted but like I wouldn't be surprised if there was some court order that I didn't know about. My parents honestly I've been purposely isolating me. It's just without a question.
I'm very alone and honestly my well-being right now is I'm not well. My OCD is getting worse and worse and honestly as a result of literally I'm just living in one room apartment mentally ill alone I'm just I've started breaking back in the habits that you know brought me to treatment in the first place like hard-core because I honestly, I just don't see any other way to be happy ever so I don't care.
My parents will not even let me talk to them over the phone. I have to text them and I haven't spoken to my dad over the phone and over like eight months and I haven't seen my mom for six years or my dad for three years or my sister for five years and I wasn't invited to her wedding and I wasn't invited to my grandma's funeral and just I'm banished from the family forever and I don't plan to ever have my own family or spouse because my OCD is so severe that it's just I don't wanna have to deal with other people problems because I can barely deal with my own. I don't want to be responsible for anyone else because I can barely take care of myself.
Therefore, I'm basically just in my apartment on my computer literally just doing nothing. I'm on like five psychiatric medication's, including clonazepam and Adderall and I'm probably just floating through the days. Kind of just thinking of like you know how do I want to make the world a better place like am I gonna stay alive? I'm not well enough to work and my dad is a successful dentist. He could easily easily afford for me to live a much better life than I do, but I'm depending on him and he keeps me on the brink of like poverty through financial manipulation. I know it might seem spoiled, but the truth is is I'm 32 and I legitimately cannot hold down a job and my dad is worth 10's millions of dollars and like he will not do anything about it not even fucking talk to me over the phone. He says that relocating the LA is too expensive even though he can definitely afford it. I know for sure I've seen his finances. He just doesn't want me in LA. They just want me as far as possible, even though like I don't really like interfere with them. They just like basically want to toss me away. And like basically like I like if they didn't give me money, I would never talk to them. Like that they're just not good people at all and like did they just happen to have a lot of money though so I just like talk to them and I like you what I need to do and like it's just it's so it's been so unhealthy. It's just unreal.
My mental health has never been worse honestly. I'm slipping into old behaviors and I don't really care. I'm getting to the point where we're at 33 almost, for background, I have a masters degree in molecular biology from UCLA and I was offered a really really solid compensation package along with all the you know all the things that come with working at like a world classroom university like healthcare and facilities, that's where I grew up in my parents. They threatened me that if I took the job that they would stop paying for my mental healthcare, which is significant I can't pay for that even with that job.
It's really fucked up to be honest and the thing is is like honest that I like I can. I'm a testament if anyone learns anything this mental health awareness month please just learn this the worst thing to do for mentally ill person is to trap them completely alone and isolated. It is a recipe for bad endings for a lot of people, and if not, it significantly degrades the mental health of those alone.
If you met me on the streets, you wouldn't notice I'm mentally ill because I'm I don't have any learning disabilities or any cognitive impairments, all my obsessions that are about numbers hard-core and I have a graduate degree from molecular biology from UCLA summa cum laude 3.91 GPA. So like when you come across me, you have no idea how mentally ill her like you learned about what's going on in my head 24 seven. I am definitely handicapped. There's no question about that and like I keep getting worse.
Please, if there's one thing you can learn from this post do not purposely isolate mentally ill people because it makes them way worse. Trust me. Please if there's one thing you could learn and if there's one way, I can make the world a better place just please do not ever purposely isolate the mentally ill. That is the prescription for you know suicide in some, which is something that I wouldn't personally do just to my beliefs in Judaism, but a lot of of people I know have done it from the programs. I'm in in similar situations.
Isolating, the mentally ill puts lives at risk and it's just terrible. I'm starting to think I'm just doing drastic things like selling my car. I have a 2025 Camry with 4000 miles on it and I could probably get like mid 20,000 and like perhaps start of life in California without the need of a car I don't know I just I'm just like there's no like good options at all I'm just my parents want me to get like a job at like a retailer but like the truth is is that I worked hard as fuck on my graduate degree in molecular biology and like I was offered a very good job at UCLA as a lab assistant/manager for a professor, who is really on the ball and young and shining. And I didn't take the job because my parents threatened me. I'm not gonna go into details but like basically like I couldn't do it I was too afraid.
Mentally ill people plus isolation equals suicide and most people without belief such as those that I have. But honestly, it's tempting sometimes to think about the end of suffering, but it's just I can't do it. I can never bring myself to do it but it's hard. It's very motherfucking hard and it's honestly it's so frustrating and like I am not joking like my life is a living hell like it's just it's just it's inexplicable. It's unexplainable. I haven't hugged a family member for like three years or anyone and it's like dude I'm like about to freak out here and my parents don't even give a fuck.