Stupid emotional rant don't read
I don't have any other outlet of venting this out so I'm bringing my negativity here. Will probably delete this, if the mods even approve it.
The fact is I'm tired. I'm so so so tired. Maybe I am not smart enough to study a levels. And that's why I'm so exhausted by these exams. Gave my paper today and I genuinely can't believe the amount of mistakes I've made. Every time it happens, I'm filled with disgust and self hatred and I wish I wouldn't even exist. This is the worst phase of my life so far and I wouldn't wish these feelings on any one especially when I see others being happy that their papers went well and here's stupid dumb me with their thousands of silly mistakes and errors cus my iq is equivalent to room temperature.
I know I've not been that consistent with my studying in a level but college genuinely sucked out my soul and whatever it spit out, is what I've tried my best to work with before collapsing at the end of every day. I still have 3 exams left and all I want to do is just hide away somewhere forever.
I know I'm so ungrateful and so stupid and it's nobody's fault. I know it's my fault but I swear I tried my best. Even when I couldn't give it my all, I tried to do it. I really really really really tried. I gave it my all. And at the end of the day, my mind is taking me out. Honestly astounded with myself.
I keep driving myself insane constantly calculating potential grade boundaries. I chronically check Reddit every 10 minutes to see what others think about the subject grade boundaries because I keep seeking external validation that I haven't fucked up my life and doomed myself completely.
I know most of you are also stressed and exhausted and I hope things get better for you guys. I'm remembering you all in prayers. Please remember me too if it's possible.