The Last Day of School... and Raccoons
Long Post Alert...
Hi! HS English Teacher from Ohio here. This is a true story that happened to me today. Enjoy!
Today was the last day of school. We had a very small number of students and they were helping us with various tasks. While I am corralling a group of them, another group comes to me and another teacher saying something about raccoons.
I asked the most trustworthy of the group, "What is going on?"
"There's a raccoon in the dumpster. We can't get the trash in."
"Did you tell the Assistant Principal?"
"No."
I walked over and told the AP and she said "I'm not dealing with raccoons."
My school is in an urban/inner-city area. I am actually from the city where I work. I have lived in a smaller rural city for the past few years. That, along with watching a lot of nature YouTube and wanting a raccoon as a pet, has really desensitized me to them. So, everyone was surprised when I grabbed a broom and marched outside to free the raccoon.
I opened the top of the large dumpster to see if it looked rabid or was sick. As soon as I lifted the lid, they-- you read that right-- lined the back wall of the dumpster. The first one stood facing the corner looking up, a couple tried to loaf to not be seen, one stood up facing the wall with its arms out and a couple were huddled under one very big one. I initially counted seven very healthy raccoons.
"Hey guys," I said in a very stern voice, "I am going to get you out of here since you're stuck. Hear me well: if you try to attack me, you will become a hat." The big one covering the other two tried to come at me and I, in essence said, "Whatchu trying to do? I will make you a hat. Please try me." Actually, I cursed it out.
I opened the top of the dumpster, grabbed a pallet that was nearby, and leaned it into the dumpster. I learned that raccoons get stuck in dumpsters because they can get in but don't know how to get out. They aren't trying to live there. You should grab something they can use as a ramp, and they will use it to get out.
I walked away and watched and counted them as they left. I counted seven, so I walked to the dumpster to get the pallet. However, I look in and see two. The big one in the right corner is staring at me and is covering a smaller one. There were nine raccoons total.
I look at them and said "Are you going to get out?" The big one, now named Raccoonathan, puffed up a little bit. The smaller one, now named Raccoolian, didn't like how Raccoonathan moved and hissed at him. "Umm, sir. He is trying to protect your ninja-looking behind," I said as I backed away from the dumpster.
I message the other teachers asking for peanut butter or marshmallows to lure them out. No answer. I googled ways to get them out. One of the ways is to make noise and hit the dumpster. I did that. Nothing. I threw a flattened kickball. Nothing. I even tried oatmeal raisin cookies. They looked at me like "What the hell is this?" So, I started an air assault with student workbooks that were going to the dumpster anyway.
Eventually, another teacher and two of our custodial workers come out to see what's going on. One of the workers whispered, "They are dangerous." I reassured her they were fine. She threw a bag of trash in and I guess one moved because she ran back.
The other teacher and I kept throwing away old workbooks making sure to not aim directly for them. I peeked in and Raccoolian was trying to climb the pallet and froze. I stepped back and waited. We continued throwing the workbooks in until he finally peaked his head up. I took a picture and put it in the chat. Others were catching up on what was happening. There was a debate on how cute they were.
I asked the workers if we had peanut butter. We didn't but we had sunflower seed butter and bananas. They went back to grab those items and the teacher and I kept throwing workbooks. Eventually, Raccoolian started climbing the pallet and would freeze periodically. It had been an hour and I was just over it. So I went to go poke the pallet with the broomstick. He hissed at me. I said, "Well, get out then." The teacher and I stepped to the side and watched him climb out.
I peeked in the dumpster and Raccoonathan was left.
"Dude, just get out."
It looked at me and puffed up.
The workers came back with the butter and bananas. I spread some of the butter on the pallet and threw some to him directly so he could catch the scent. Then I peeled the bananas and placed some of it and a peel on the pallet and threw some to him as well. The other teacher and I watched for a bit until we decided to go in and check back later.
I work on some things for a bit and then check in with some of the staff. My principal appears from her office laughing.
"Why are you trying to get raccoons out of the dumpster?"
"The kids needed to throw some things out and didn't feel safe"
"I do not want to be the one telling your kids that their dad got rabies from dumpster raccoons."
"I checked for visual signs of rabies. If it was foaming, the dumpster would become their forever home."
We laugh, and she returns to her office as I go check the dumpster.
As I am walking, another staff member asks if I need help. "No," I replied, "I just need to see if the raccoon is gone."
Thankfully, it was.