I have audio->visuals+colour processing
Wee bit difficult to capture music-induced visual output on a static canvas as mine is moving & slow:)
Songs painted are respectively Ailein Duinn by Capercaillie, and Ghana 9 by Troels Brun Folmann [Tomb Raider: Legend OST]
I abruptly and completely stopped taking Abilify 16th of January, 2026
Comparison timelines as provided:
March 2024 vs June 2026
October 2025 vs May 2026
September 2020 vs May 2026
November 2025 vs June 2026
(In 2020 pic, I was 15, about 4 months into psychiatric incarceration. The picture was sent to a friend to reassure them that I am "doing fine".)
Notable, visible physiological changes during Abilify:
Fluid retention, stored energy in the body(the bloat)
Dilated pupils in the presence of bright lights
Tension in eyelids "bug eyes"
Chronically bloated abdomen
Muscle atrophy + unevenly distributed fluid
(^ I had none of the above before Abilify)
Also, ask me anything! Clinically said, I'm using myself as a living, breathing example of the adverse effects received by wrongly prescribing neurochemically altering medications
Don't give me sympathy pls:) I'm happy and thankful to be returning to a natural baseline. Regardless, you're free to ask any questions.
I have auditory->visual+colour synaesthesia, and I've recently been actively drawing my visual processing while listening to music:)
The two tracks pictured are respectively Ailein Duinn (Acapella release, as performed by Capercaillie) and Scratch by BG5
I have a total of four types of hyper-connective sensory processing, audio->visual(inevitably colour) being one of them. Three of my four wirings have sound/hearing as the initiator, leading sense
(For the curious: I have sound to visual, sound to motor, sound to temperature and grapheme to colour)
Context: I was misdiagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when I was 14 years old and reacting to complex trauma and abuse. I have never had my sense of reality distorted. Now nearly 21, 5 months clean from antipsychotics.
Click the images for full size if you're on mobile
You can find this list on Wikipedia 'list of adverse effects of aripripazole'
All side effects, excluding laryngospasms and diarrhoea, have I experienced for a total of 10 months or more during the 6 years of medication
I am able-bodied, have never had physical pain nor any physiological signs of illness before Abilify (nor currently, after Abilify)
Feel free to ask me anything too, this is somewhat of a followup of my previous AMA but this is also just to highlight what this drug can do to otherwise perfectly healthy individuals
Please read the rest of this for crucial context :) I have endured years of gaslighting and experimentation on my body that no human ever should, and here, I'm using this reddit platform to start anonymously and use my voice for others who can't, small steps at a time.
(To preface - I will not answer questions related to:
I am in my early twenties, and had been involved with the psychiatric system for about 7 years.
I am based in northern Europe. Psychiatric abuse is not exclusive to one specific region or country.
Before my involvement with the psychiatry, I was neglected and abused by my primary caregivers ever since I remember. These episodes were daily, and the abuse was of various nature (most notably, or rather including, physical, sexual, psychological and religiously motivated).
As a 13-year-old, I received a diagnosis called "atypical autism", and afterwards transferred to a special school, despite my protests against moving schools and expressing that my experience at a public school was alright, even with the bullying from my peers.
After I got transferred to the special school, I experienced not only being bullied by peers, but also by teachers, secretaries and all staff.
At 14 years old, my abusive situation at home was so unbearable to the point of me attempting to malinger symptoms of depression or anxiety, by telling my teacher that I am committing suicide.
I was not, and I knew I wouldn't take my own life. I just wanted away from daily, constant abuse.
And I did, somewhat. I got hospitalised at an emergency ward for 2 weeks, my primary abuser, a parent, visiting me to "check in", AKA ridicule me and blame me for their hardships. That I was a bad, crazy, unmanageable kid.
On day 3 of inpatient care, I was prescribed about 10mg Abilify, and some Olanzapine. And I slept 10+ hours a day, for those first 2 weeks.
I felt like I was being actively drained of my being and my power. My energy felt like it was depleting before I could figure out what was happening.
After those 2 weeks, I got transferred to a "fancy", seemingly more relaxed ward. I spent 6 months there. Same dose of medication. I had no clue why I suddenly stopped feeling emotions, my body started feeling numb but heavy.
About a month in, I was told that I have the diagnosis of "undifferentiated schizophrenia", which later (about 3 years after initial diagnosis) had updated to paranoid schizophrenia.
And for 7 years, I had been on Abilify. I wasn't psychotic. I wasn't schizophrenic. I was a child reacting humanly to an inhumane situation.
After the 6 months of being in the ward, I got transferred to a group home. I felt somewhat hopeful, because at least that meant I won't be getting beaten, injured and manipulated daily by my parent.
I lived in that group home for around 6 years. But instead of the safety and empathy I was promised, I felt myself be driven to insanity I never had to begin with.
The staff of those group homes were cruel in their own ways. While not overtly like my parent, the abuse at their hands was far more subtle, more dangerous, more psychologically torturous, to the point I was having genuine suicidal ideation that I never once had.
On top of the medicine-induced anhedonia, I sought pain, in any way I could. I was physically unable to feel joy, happiness or satisfaction, due to the Abilify's affect on my dopamine receptors.
So when my reward system was damaged, let alone in my crucial years of development, my fight-or-flight took over. And in turn, the tension, the chronic hyper-vigilance became my "normal". Never addresses, but instead, I had various labels stuck onto my forehead: autistic, psycho, schizo(phrenic), manic, bipolar (maniac), borderline, hysterical.
I felt dead for 7 years, but the only way for me to feel alive was by self-harm, sensation seeking, self-injury and, most importantly and daily, self-induced flashbacks.
Because that guaranteed I felt SOMETHING instead of nothing.
You may ask how I am now, and my answer is: I am 5 months clean from Abilify, 5 months into living in an apartment I worked for behind the scenes of the torment at the group home, and I finally feel bloody human. I've not been happier in 7 years, but more accurately, never been happier in my entire life. I'm finding the joys in the big and the small, my emotions and logic anchor each other.
And even my face looks alive. All my years on Abilify, I was bloated with a bug-eyed face and dilated pupils even in the presence of light, my facial muscles were all stiff.
None of that anymore. And never again.
And I made it clear to the psychiatric system that they'll fortunately never see me again. Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for their profit from me.
So ask me anything. If you were ever gaslit into thinking you're fundamentally crazy, YOU ARE NOT.
Hold onto your humanity and your right to feel it and live through life.
No human should be drugged long-term for their human reactions to cruel abuse.