Feeling guilty
I am a FTM and had my baby last week on the 29th — he came a little early at 34 weeks due to preeclampsia.
I unfortunately didn’t get to meet him right away, but dad was there immediately and visited him often until I was able to be healthy enough to do so.
He is the most perfect little boy and is doing so well. Came off of his CPAP the second day of being in the NICU, came off the blue light pretty fast, and now we’re just focusing on gaining weight and eating on his own. He truly is making us so proud. And, I know he is still learning because of how new he is to this world, not to mention that he isn’t even supposed to be here yet, but I am feeling discouraged that he won’t take a boob that much. Only very little at a time. I’m talking a couple of seconds total sometimes.
I am also feeling extremely guilty because we are first time parents, that don’t know a whole lot about babies, so I just want to make sure I’m doing everything right. I hope that the first couple of days that I didn’t get to meet him doesn’t make a huge impact on him in a negative way. I hope that he knows that I am his mom.
Another guilty thought — we are only able to be in the NICU with him a couple times a day for a couple of hours because of how far we live from the hospital (about an hour). We know we need rest, plus he needs to spend most of his time in the incubator so that he doesn’t burn any extra calories, but we make sure to be there for those couple of feeding times trying to help practice latching (to anything) and doing skin to skin.
Are we doing this thing right (I know there’s no right way to parent)? I feel like we could be doing more, but I don’t know what. Plus, it’s truly heartbreaking not being able to bring him home. I know it’s what’s best for him, but I can’t shake the feeling.