Looking for feedback on this little piece I wrote in like 10 minutes lol
Wrote whatever this is (a poem maybe?) in like 10 minutes and was just wondering if it's any good and how I can make it better, thanks for ur time!
He ran again
Like a damn dog
The first time I let him go
told you he'd come back
And went inside.
You thought otherwise
And one of us stayed up till dawn
Waiting on someone desperate
To be on his own.
But like the tide
He did return
And one of us was made a fool.
I laughed at you,
Carving the lines that would only show year later
And shook my head.
But you can't help someone
Bound to be their own death
And out that door he took off once more
Faster than ever before.
You watched him go as the screen slammed
In your face, I laughed again
A slight chuckle, hand on my hip
"He'll come back."
Your eyes found the ground
Just as he found god
And turned his face
Like you turned yours.
"No, he won't", you said.
And to that bedroom you did go
Weeping towards the pictures of him on the wall
Young in years as the children we were.
My fingers twitched
Eyes keen on the horizon
Day after day, the scene grew longer
As the rays so did,
Until I caught myself
Gazing upon dawn.
"Let him find whatever it is he is looking for"
You murmured
Hand on the picture turned down on the wood
And one of us was made a fool
The lines on my face are now a prime feature
And the house is losing value by the day
And together we sit on the porch, stealing forlorn glances to the horizon
He never came back.