Mere gao ke aaspaas acche schools nhi the to gharwalo ne 4-5 saal ki umar me dusre sheher bhej diya chacha chachi ke ghar.
Waha bas me apni do cousin behno ke saath rehta tha aur colony me bhi koi ladke nhi the bas ladkiya hi thi to koi dost nhi bana.
Jab me 2nd-3rd class me tha tab shayad colony me ladke aa gye the lekin jab tak maine apni life ki maa behen ek karna start kar diya tha din bhar ghar pe rehke.
Mera bachpan se hi koi dost nhi bana aur bahar ki life ka kuch exposure nhi mila, bahar dosto ke saath cricket football khelna, unke ghar jaana, unke saath videogame khelna. Ye sab bas me raat ko fantasize hi kar sakta hu.
School me dost bane lekin unke saath bhi itna close nhi tha shuru se.
5th class se apne ghar wapis aa gya kyuki paas me ek acchi school khuli thi aur yaha aakar aur isolate ho gya. Ghar wale bolte the bahar nikalne ka par maine kabhi suna nhi.
9th class se khud ka mobile mil gya to din bhar woh chalane laga aur duniya bhar ke addictions laga liye 🙂.
Almost zero padhai karta tha lekin thik-thak number aa jaate the school me, 10th me bhi kuch padhai nhi kari thi 79.8 percent aaye the. Gharwalo ne jyada kuch nhi bola kyuki unko bhi pata tha maine kuch padhai nhi kari thi to ye marks utne bure nhi hai.
10th class se Kota factory aur Nishant jindal ki videos dekh kar IIT ka craze chadh gya tha, HCV aur ncert bhi order Kari thi 11th class ki. Socha tha 10th me hi jee ki tayyari start kar dunga 🤡.
Lekin literally kuch nhi kiya as always, ghar walo ne fir bhi dusre sheher bhej diya offline coaching karne ke liye. Waha ek roomate ke saath room share karna padta tha aur subah 8 baje coaching chalu hoti thi, ye atmosphere mujhe bilkul suit nhi hua and me aur dysfunctional ho gya.
Ghar pe bohot decedent life thi meri, aaram se uthta tha aur din bhar phone chalata tha. Allen me bohot saari classes skip kar di, aur class me bhi low attention span ki wajah se bas piche baith kar reddit scroll karta tha.
Shuru ke tests me decent marks aa gye, 127, 115 etc. lekin har test me marks kam hote gye kyuki maine kabhi padhai start hi nhi ki, bas tukke maar ke aa jata tha.
11th dummy kar rha tha, final exam dene school gya aur almost fail ho gya. 12th me same coaching ki dusri wali branch me evening batch me admission liya aur ek single room dhunda.
Waha par bhi kuch padhai nhi hui, problem mere ander hi thi, naa padhne wale bacche kahi bhi nhi padh paate hai. 12th bhi waste kar di mobile chalane me, tukke maarke 80.47 percentile aa gyi mains jan attempt me, side wale 96%iler dropper bhaiya se cheating karke -5 marks aaye April me. OBC-NCL ka cutoff 80.9 hai to advance haath se nikal gya. Kam se kam caste certificate nhi banana padega. Boards me bas 65% aaye aur ghar wale sadme me chale gye.
Improvement exam ka form bhara hai, lekin padh abhi bhi nhi rha hu as always. Ab mera kuch nhi ho sakta hai. Mental health itni kharab hai ki gharwalo ke saamne hi tantrums throw karne lagta hu aur apne aap ko maarne lagta hu pagalo ki tarah. Mujhe apni life fix karne ka motivation bhi nhi hai ab toh, ab kuch bhi karne ka motivation nhi rha, khair jab motivation tha tab bhi kya ukhad liya? Kya pata ab kya hoga meri life ka. Bas Mar jaane man karta hai, lekin itna dam nhi hai ki suicide kar lu.
Har chhoti se chhoti inconvenience pe mai "mai mar jaaunga" bol deta hu. For example agar mummy chilla rhi hai ki garmi me 3 din se nahaya kyu nhi to bas man me "mai to mar jaunga" bol deta hu aur problem ko avoid kar deta hu.
Bas ye sochta hu ki koi serial killer mere saamne aa jaye abhi aur mujhe sabse painful aur torture wali maut de. Kyuki mere se to itna bhi nhi hoga.
Kaash 10 saal pehle apni colony se bahar nikal ke koi dost bana liye hota, mummy papa se dur rehne me mujhe bohot bura lagta tha. Agar mere dost hote to woh gap fill ho jaati aur shayad me yaha wapis nhi aata. Kam se kam meri mental health aur social life acchi rehti.
10th ke baad commerce le leta aur sheher ke kisi ghatiya college se MBA kar leta. Ghar wapis aa jata. 50 acre khet hai, 2 plots, saagwan ke 200+ ped hai. Yaha aaram se bas khata, kam se kam suicide karne ka man to nhi karta.
Maa chudaye jee, Maa chudaye IIT, Maa chudaye CSE. Literally kuch nhi chahiye mujhe. Mujhe bas meri life wapis dedo jo mai 4th class se miss karte hue aa rha hu. Ab naa dost chahiye Naa koi girlfriend. Kuch bhi man nhi kar rha hai ab.
Agar koi future parent is post ko abhi tak padh rha hai, which is really unlikely. Toh please apne bacche ko mere jaisa mat banne dena.