August 9th 2026, I can't move on, I turned all the love he had for me to absolute hate.
I feel like I failed at this world
I was deep in sin, away from Jesus, then my Ex came!
We texted a few times because he was my father's coworker years ago, but then suddenly, I fell in love with him! What's amazing is that at the same time he said Jesus made him see me, and he fell in love with me, deeply in love.
I never thought I deserved to be loved, I have absolutely nothing special about me, but still, he loved me!
He tried his best to show me what's beautiful about me. He was just..perfect!
I loved him so much!
His kindness, his touch, the feeling of the palm of his hand on my face, the way he treated me like his little princess, his support.
He was family, my world.
From 2021 to 2024, he was the greatest thing I ever had.
I thought he was the redemption that God sent me, the chance to finally be happy!
But then, I screwed up, again and again and again
He was patient with me, but then one night on April 24th 2024, I made a horrible mistake, and all my life fell apart.
He was so upset, like I never saw him before.
I watched his tremendous love for me turn into absolute hatred, in just..hours!
I watched as I, with my own hands destroyed my own happiness!
I was so evil because of what I did to him.
I had good intentions, but what I did to him was so hurtful.💔
He left, and my heart left with him.
My own soul left me and followed him all the way back to Greenwich, leaving me alone in St Petersburg.
We talked a few days later, he said he forgave me but I know he didn't.
Being the gentleman that he is, and in order to leave me burning even more in my guilt that will never go away, he just prayed to Jesus for me!
I will never find someone like him.
Nobody will love me as he did.
He blocked me from everything.
I really need his calming voice, I really need his night texts telling me everything is going to be ok.
I really need the feeling of his body near mine.
When our bodies were together, I felt whole.
Now, I will never feel whole.
I miss our adventures together, our camping, our jogging together, our car racing, our sex, our party dances together.
I miss the funny face you used to make every time you drank tequila.
He put such a high standard, I can't and will not find someone like him.
My heart belongs to him.
I wish there was one last chance just to tell him how much he means to me, to ask for his forgiveness, to ask him for another chance!
I keep feeling scared at the thought that I will never see or hear from him ever again!
I'm attached to him, physically and emotionally.
I don't want to be attached to anyone else.
I was proud to be his girlfriend, and now after 2 years, I'm still broken that I'm not anymore.