How do I even deal with this?
So, I'm not gonna go into to much detail, but long story short, my best friend accidentally showed me a *'picture'*. She's had things along the lines of that from online (mostly to just send at random times to unsuspecting close friends), but the way she talked about it after hiding the screen makes me think it was her...
Now this is where my issue comes in... I have overwhelming feelings for her. I adore her more thsn anything. I would literally do ANYTHING for her if i needed too. Especially now since shes the ONLY true friend I have (the rest kinda just forgot about me or abandoned me altogether). Among other things, this all plays into the fact that I have a massive obsession for her overall. We've dated before, and have somewhat talked about "if we get back together" and all that. However, she's currently dating someone... I am jealous to the point where I can't be around her cureent boyfriend or I just shut down and wanna be left alone from absolutely everyone and just sit there with the pain. Not to mention I am a MASSIVE overthinker. So, I think the absolute worst things in EVERY scenario.
Currently, on top of overwhelming to the point of anxiety inducing, heart racing, full 'system shutdown' jealousy, I'm overthinking it. I know I'm overthinking it, but I can't fucking stop.
I'd like to clarify, if I got with someone and they never wanted to have sex or do ANYTHING along the lines of it, whatever, I don't give a shit. When I love someone, I love THEM. **NOT** their body. But I do know that sexual acts of ANY kind are usually VERY emotional too (as in relationship wise). So I see that as even more if a reason to be jealous. She's never sent anything like that to me, she's never mentioned anything like it when we were together, and although I've put myself passed them, I've had (and I'd think i still do) a sexual attraction towards her. She never wanted to do anything though, and I never would have, nor ever will pester someone I'm sexually attracted to about it, but all of a sudden, I catch a glimpse of this picture, and piece it together in my mind and am nearly loosing it. Only reason why I'm not in tears right now from everything (emotions, shock, stress, adrenaline, etc), is because shes in the same room right now.
I'm gonna end my rant there though. Long story short, I don't know what to do. The ONLY way I've been able to combat my jealousy over her being in a relationship with someone else at all let alone the overthinking and now this, is by pushing it away. I know that's not a good thing, but I've tried, and I am unable to deal with it head on. It hurts so fucking bad to even try. I just need help. Any ideas on how to go about this 'incident' specifically, if I should say anything or keep it to myself, etc?
P.S: it may be a while before I get back to any replies. I don't want her seeing anything about this so I'm completely muting notifications until I have the chance to look in private.