my boyfriend watched porn while i’m pregnant
okay so, my boyfriend and i have been together for four years. probably it was our second year together, i found on his instagram just a bunch of videos of girls. then he admitted he’d watch porn. then and there i was devastated because im not into that in relationships. he apologized and improved, but then i caught him again like probably the same year or maybe just some time after. again! after all we talked about. i actually almost left him because like i said, i just consider porn in relationships cheating. he goes and says he’s just dumb, that he hates himself, that he’ll be better, he only wants me blah blah blah. a whole lot of nada.
well he really didn’t do it anymore for all this time. now, we got pregnant. pleaseeee tell me why, i find it again. i’m so thrown off. i can’t believe he did it to me three times now after i’ve already said i don’t approve. and to make it worse, im pregnant! like dude. i confront him and i tell him im not doing it this time and we can co parent but i will not be with him. he starts crying about how he hates himself and thats why he does stupid things. that he took me for granted blah blah blah
it’s just, what got me is that he’s been so weird recently and i knew it. i knew something was up. he’s not a cheater cheater, but watching porn, to me is a form of cheating. even if it’s not with another woman physically. i just don’t like the thought of him cumming because or for other women. and i always tell him and initiate sex but he’s always “too stressed”. and yes we do have sex, like twice a week, but like wtf then? why why why go to porn when i’m there for you to let a load off and if you’re stressed im here to talk.
it hurts the most i think that i really did forget (i mean not like 100%, but i was so moved on now) about the first times because that was long ago. he just reignited all those emotions. i feel disgusting, ugly, fat, etc. you know. and even before we got pregnant we’ve had fights about him not loving me the way i want to be loved. now im just way beyond it. now it just hurts that it’s made me realize i love him more than he loves me. because if he really loved me, he’d never find porn attractive to begin with. he’d never hurt me even the first time. he’d love me the way the i want to be loved. and i thought he was a good guy.
but now he doesn’t want to let me leave. he’s like i don’t want to co parent. and i was like so you want to stay together even when we shouldn’t, like my parents who divorced when it was too late? and he says he doesn’t want that either. so i’m like then what?? he’s like i’m going to become the man you need. im sorry. i don’t want to be me for our son to see. but there’s just been no change since!! granted, this just happened on tuesday and it’s friday now but come on. do. something. if. you. really. wanna. fix. it. otherwise, stop wasting my time and we’ll just co parent.
am i being dramatic fr or should i leave his ass?