Have you ever felt misunderstood and desperate in your own city, your own circle, your own mind?
Long story short, I'm a bass player and have been playing for 12 years as of now, and I've been fighting with musicians in this small shithole of a town (southern Italy) since day 1.
Since the beginning it felt like a mission and, most of all, A JOB. Something serious. I was 14.
But very quickly I turned out to be the only one learning songs for reharsals; the only one actually studying music; the only one giving up weekends to play and write songs together; the only one going in serious into bands.
So you start changing bandmates, changing bands, changing circles, changing and changing but they just sucks in every way and you're stuck...stuck into this.
I eventually ended up not playing for a couple years or more, then grabbed again the instrument (at this point I was in my twenties) hoping that things could be different in town...
Not a single things had changed: the same bands just playing around, the same jam sessions with pentatonic scales and the same covers, same shit, even worse if possible. Just a little "mob-run" scene where the same people keep playing the same trivial and uninspired indie pop for eachother, for the last 10 YEARS, wanking each other.
I was out of the scene, period.
Right now I'm doing an online bachelor degree in sound engineering and keep studying the instrument, but at this point I'm isolated and, artistically, extremely numb, because I need to improve playing with other people. Do you see my point?
90% of the people I was playing with gave up music and are now lawyers/unemplyed/whatever, so what was even the point of it?
I recognize in me an extreme resilience, I'm getting better, but I feel very lonely.
{ Share your similar experiences if you have one }