u/Haunting_Composer638

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When things go bad,

My mind takes me to a secret path in the field where I find you waiting,

When I feel no one understands me,

In you, I feel seen

When I feel no one likes me,

The comfort of your presence, gladdens,

You are still my escape, my safe place,

Self centred in reality, selfish in blood,

But in my imaginary safe place, you are as kind you can be,

We may be connected by souls, or perhaps its just my subconscious protecting me,

I wonder if I am too your safe place and hence you always return to me,

When things go bad for you,

I feel you retreating to my safety,

Do I make you seen,

Does my comfort gladden,

In your days of weakness,am I too your companion?

Then i won't complain, you are welcome,

As you fill my cup seemingly often, let me fill yours as well solacely.

​

When things go bad,

My mind takes me to a secret path in the garden where I find you waiting,

When I feel no one understands me,

In you, I feel seen

When I feel no one likes me,

The comfort of your presence, gladdens,

You are still my escape, my safe place,

You might be a parasite in flesh,

But in my safe place, you are my companion to be,

We may be connected by souls, or perhaps my subconscious protecting me,

I wonder if I am too your safe place and hence you always return to me,

When things go bad for you,

I feel you retreating to my safety,

Do I make you seen,

Does my comfort gladden,

In your days of weakness,am I too your companion,

Then i won't complain, you are welcome,

As you fill my cup quite often, let me fill yours as well solacely.

Dancing in the club,

Guys approach, trying their luck,

Disinterested, in my world,I politely snub,

My mind has another unwanted entity circling,

Doing its best to find a way to slip in,

Someone weak, someone in need,

Trying all ways to feel my heat,

Trying to thaw out his icy brittle heart,

Disinterested,in my world, I try to snub,

Would have filled his cup happily in all honesty,

Not at the cost of giving up my integrity,

Not at the cost of me going empty,

So now when I feel him steal his way out of his misery,

To him I say,

Caress your pride, stroke your ego,

Makeout with your toxicity,

Disinterested,in my world, I politely snub.

There are days I feel your emotions,

Lost, lifeless, hoping for a dose of Energy,

And then i realise,

You don't need me but just anybody,

In whose softness, you dissolve your worries,

From whom you extract all energy,

Who gives you importance and follows you blindly,

The way you control actually fuels-your sense of security,

A feeling of control in your fragmented life maybe,

Few moments or months but temporarily,

You rule like a king , confident and cocky,

The transient feeling of elation deflates surely,

And that's when I feel your emotions,

Lost, lifeless, hoping for a dose of Energy.

​

I loved not him but his image I drew ,

Beautiful in pastel hues,

His selfless passion in crimson red,

His simplicity in azure blue,

His humour a mellow yellow,

I dabbed and brushed and blended all rues,

In him i found my safe place,

I painted it a coffee shade of brown,

One where I laid my heart bare,

Where he would never let me frown,

I painted my prayers for him in earnest silver,

I painted my fear of losing him in stormy grey,

I could never bring myself to paint the truth ,

I kept hiding ,forever evading ,always running away .

I loved not him but his image I drew ,

Beautiful in pastel hues,

His passion in crimson red,

His simplicity in clear blue,

His humour a mellow yellow,

I dabbed and brushed and blended all rues,

In him i found my safe place,

I painted it a light shade of brown,

One where I laid my heart bare,

Where he would never let me frown,

I painted my prayers for him in earnest silver,

I painted my fear of losing him in dark grey,

I could never bring myself to paint the truth ,

I kept hiding ,always evading ,always running away .

When you trust,

When you open up,

You finally feel safe,

And then , you see its face,

Betrayal,taunting you,

Telling you were never safe,

It reminds you of your mistakes,

The secrets you said

The way your heart unfolded,

You were always blindfolded,

Their lies echoes,

All you want to ask is 'why',

But the truth scares you ,

There are options two,

Pick up the remains of your pride,

Learn your lessons and say goodbye,

Or speak out your heart , prepared to hear more lies .

I dreamt of you,

A message received,

You think of me still a lot plenty,

Alone you sit observing others,

Eyes cast down, not a glance ever,

Drawing caricatures and portraits for free,

As usual you don't come close to me,

I take a chance to come and meet

You play it cool as it's everyday we see.

I never made no difference to you in dream or reality,

You shall always be unfortunate to everytime miss me .

​

Now that you are gone,

Your name echoes all day long,

No feelings, none at all,

Just a residue of your tainted soul,

The wretched thread between us stretches to break,

Taut,weak, I wait for it to fall away.

I wonder if my name ever affected you,

Do you fight with it as much as I do?

Perhaps it's the remains of your dark sorcery,

Perhaps it's your thoughts and their gravity,

Or perhaps its the tether which just fights to break free.

She says , we are not on the same page.

Do i want to be on the same page?

what will it bring?

Gosh! Truth and dissonance!!

I can only handle her below me,

When she annoys, I can kiss her to silence,

When I am done, I can send her packing,

She should be glad to see me gone,

Until next time, when we are starving and alone,

But, do I want her only then,

What about the fact, I love her presence,

Her laughter like the sun, smells like roses and jasmine,

Tastes like honey, her voice soft but annoying when giving admonitions,

No, I cant handle her,

She is too strong in her head,

Wont relent, always defy,

A constant pain in the neck.

Nope, I shall turn the page,

Or better, get a new book,

Where I dangle the hook,

Find someone else to fool.

But ,why do I miss being on the same page?

​

You made it clear, what you wanted,

I did not,so here it is,

I wanted to know you ,

I wanted to know if you want to know me too

I wanted to smile with you,

I wanted to know if you would enjoy with me too,

I wanted to talk, I wanted to listen,

Your secrets, my fear, your regrets, my pain -everything,

I wanted what you wanted too,

But you were kind enough to tell me,

You were empty, devoid of emotional intelligence,

A hollow body blowing in air,

Like a silly baloon bouncing from here to there,

We both wanted different things,

You wanted a tiny bit of ground to hold you for just a bit,

I wanted to find my mouthful of sky and lift my spirits.

​

Not worth it, Don't fantasize,

Like a hurt kitten, I hide,

In dark corners where I whimper,

I sit straight with an aching heart and dried up tears,

With wide eyes, I look at the world go by,

Not letting anyone come by my side,

I still nurse my wounds inside,

So you see , Am no fun,not worth your time ,

I am not a wild cat that I pretend to be,

But protecting myself at every opportunity,

I need someone to hold me gentle,

Tell me all is OK,

Just to breathe little,

Look in my huge eyes with understanding,

Be around without disappearing,

But all you see me is in your crazy wild fantasy,

A conclusion to your silly chase and finally victory,

I don't need this ludicrous farce definitely,

So, I will never let you come close , my dear fuckboy,

Go away, Let go of me.

I am a romantic,

Words such as makeout, sex, fuck -leave me conflicted,

Makes me purse my lips, wondering if I will ever be understood,

For me ,it's the way you tease,

Which makes me go weak in knees,

The gaze that speaks,

The closeness of bodies,

Our faces so close,

That we feel our breaths blow,

The breath which hitches,

When you lean in for a kiss,

Holding me at your mercy,

My arms pinned above till you devour me,

In these moments,I know what you want,

You don't need to spell it aloud,

Am ready for you ,not in the body,

But, when in my mind I feel aroused.

​

Her touch was like incense,

Even in her absence,

You could feel her in the air,

Her words cut him till he bleeds,

But he is still pulled to her to feel the ache bittersweet,

When he doesn't hear from her,

When there's pin drop silence,

When there's no coming back,

When their story reaches its end,

He grows restless,

Quite nervous,

Wondering, will she not ever return , but his hopes are endless,

Every cell shouts, his mind cocreates,

A reality where she can't fight her fate ,

His dream, an illusion-

Where she returns to him

When am alone, when no one understands,

My thoughts find their way to you,

Somehow I feel you will know what to do,

Steady like earth, intense like fire,

But like water you bring in the calm I so desire,

When I can't reach you,

I go quiet,

Wait endlessly till I get tired,

---

She stares at the wall lying alone,

Wishing and dreaming of conversations,

Where chemistry collides with innocence,

Where truth and respect takes precedence,

She holds back when she hits a dead end,

Where she refuses to compromise and always bend,

Withdraws her attention and goes silent.

When I feel I have sliced you with my words,

I hurt deep inside,

Curse myself for being vile,

Then I remind myself, you are not alive,

A passing fragment of soul,

Someone who I once used to know,

Some one who I once yearned to hold,

But when i finally came close,

I realised,you were not there anymore,

I was a stranger in my own home,

Living in my delusion,

Fantasy, imagination, illusion,

You were always dead, and

I was always, always alone.

The manchild thinks of himself as intelligent ,

But he carries a curse ancient,

To never use his intelligence for his development,

He shall use for unhealthy obsession, transient connections,

He will be attracted to create repetitive problems,

Find himself with unwelcome nuisances,

Will abhor anything which brings him growth,

Avoid , lie , manipulate , gloat, stalk, that's his core,

His poor spirit guides watch him sadly,

As he evades them, scorns and makes friends with the demons,

He uses his intelligence for his destruction,

Finds himself always alone but never learns from his situations,

Foolishly still proud, foolishly ignorant,

While doing so he enjoys his catastrophic downfall,

That's the curse ancient,

Of the forever manchild who calls himself intelligent.

*Experience of being raised by one as well so you know when you see one .

​

Lose himself in her,

Her softness, her eyes,

In her purity, he can hide,

Her soul feels like sparkling water,

He feels himself reflected like a mirror,

She makes him seen, his troubles go unseen,

In her he finds his hope,

Connected to her he starts breathing slow,

He revives and leaves to pastures new,

Did he ever spare her thoughts few,

She is always ready to hear,

Empathise all these years,

Did he ever look in her eyes,

Try to make her feel all right,

Never!!

But he does not like when she calls him an opportunist