last cry for help
i’m at my end, it feels. i need help that i can’t get and there’s a lot of guilt and shame hindering me from being able to receive any real help and i really need it. i’m estranged from pretty much all of my family, and i have no close friends. life is monotonous and if i didn’t need to pay rent i don’t even think i’d go to work. i can’t hold a job because i get too invested then resentful of the people around me. i suffer from some serious bouts of paranoia and it seems like the more sober i get, the more it shows it’s ugly face. everything i love hurts me. i fear for myself, i fear for the people i have to be near. suicidal ideation is everyday but i’m too wimp to follow through. idk what to do anymore. drugs and alcohol make it hard to have any serious footholds in life and sobriety shines the brightest light on everything i try to push away. idk what to do anymore. idk what to do anymore idk what to do anymore