the uphill battle with family, being trapped
I grew up with incredibly high stress levels and verbal, emotional and s*xual abuse from family members. I am sure it caused or at least meaningfully contributed to my physical state. I was always so much looking forward to the day that I could be free, I've always been optimistic and excited to live despite everything. But now I am 22 and I can't do anything for myself, and am back to being reliant on people who don't want the best for me.
I have been sick for about a decade, I had maybe 50% function for years but managed it well. I left home at 18 and was cared for primarily by my then-boyfriend. I muddled through the next two years alone but was getting much worse physically over time, and now I am unable to live alone and (currently) unable to work. It's just a constant downward spiral with my health and mobility; I'm constantly getting more unwell like I randomly developed rheumatoid arthritis in Dec 2025 and I have lung damage from covid that leaves me very susceptible to infections and I get them back to back.. every single one seems to push me back. I am doing a part-time masters but may have to drop out, I hope not but the cognitive symptoms are impossible right now and I can't seem to research/write. I used to be really intelligent.
I do what I can and I am generally optimistic, I am trying. I'm grateful to still be here, as I type this I am reasonably comfortable with only moderate pain and I will watch a show or listen to some music and rest afterwards. I'm grateful for my partner and for the fact I can leave home and enjoy some time out being pushed in a wheelchair.. but I really didn't expect this to be my life. I thought I'd be free and independent and it feels so so unfair.