28F living abroad- I started dating one of my friends (28M) after knowing him for about three years. Things were good when we were just friends, but once we started dating long-distance, everything changed.
He started picking fights over small things. Things that used to be normal or funny began to irritate him. I also felt like he was becoming insecure.
I was supposed to visit and stay with him, but the plan got canceled. After that, he became distant and eventually ghosted me. When I spoke to our mutual friends, they told me he was cheating and talking to other girls.
I confronted him, but he denied everything and turned it around on me. He made me feel guilty for not trusting him, and eventually stopped talking to me. I felt so bad that I even blocked the friends who told me the truth because I believed him.
I regretted doubting him and cried for days. Later, I reached out on his birthday. He responded warmly, saying things like “I thought you would never forgive me” and “I missed you.” That gave me hope.
When he returned, I booked tickets and surprised him. When we met, he broke my heart by admitting he had cheated and that everything my friends said was true. Also he told me he is engaged.
He cried, created a scene, and even said things like “why didn’t you call me a few days earlier, I could have stopped the engagement.” It was very confusing and overwhelming.
At one point, he kissed me, and I could tell he was physically aroused, which made me deeply uncomfortable given everything that had just happened. Despite everything, he still asked me to stay the night and said he would drop me the next morning.
I couldn’t handle it and left.
I feel completely broken and confused. I trusted him so much that I pushed away people who were actually telling me the truth.
The next day, he asked to meet again and said he would talk to his fiancée and “see what he could do.” I believed him. When we met, he again convinced me that he loved me. We ended up being intimate. After that, he changed his stance and said he couldn’t talk to her because she is his distant relative and he would be answerable to his entire family.
I felt completely shattered and used. I cried, begged him, and now when I look back, I feel ashamed of how much I tolerated. He didn’t care at all.
What made it worse is that his friends (fake feminist content creator) knew everything—about me and about his engagement—and still supported him. They even lied to that girl and demolished my character to support their friend.
I later found out that his fiancée is a mutual acquaintance. I reached out to her because I felt she deserved to know the truth. If I were in her place, I would want someone to tell me. She confronted him, but he manipulated her into believing that I was lying.
Around the same time, I missed my period and got really scared. I reached out to him, but he didn’t care. I went from hospital to hospital, dealing with anxiety and fear that I might be pregnant. That experience really shook me.
I tried reaching out to her again, but she didn’t believe me and blocked me. He also started threatening me, saying he has my private information and would use it against me in the future if I contact her. He shut me out completely.
Since then, I’ve been in therapy, but I still struggle to process how deeply I was manipulated, used, and betrayed. Meanwhile, he is moving on with his life, getting married, and seems completely unaffected.
I don’t understand how someone can do all this and face no consequences. I don’t understand how she chose to believe him even after I shared proof. I don’t understand how could a woman support a man abusing another woman. I don’t understand how could a woman marry someone who cheated on her after getting engaged.
Sometimes I just wanna scream and cry out loud alone in my room. I don’t know what to do. How to process this?