I’m Gonna Get You
Outside the restaurant, away from the din of cutlery against plates and idle-minded catch-up chatter, I took a drag of my cigarette and decided to leave the family gathering.
I hadn’t seen them for years, save for my mum, and I hated the faux closeness we all had to show. No, Michelle, I don’t care about your Bible group’s opinion on global warming. Little Davey (who was no longer little, but a six-foot couch surfer) walked out on his kid? Colour me surprised.
I dropped the cigarette and stamped it out with my boot. To hell with them. I’d rather spend time with my buddies playing video games. I started down the sidewalk, fishing for my phone in my jeans. I messaged Hayden: Wanna play a round of duos in thirty? He reacted with a thumbs-up.
I passed a bus stop, one of those sheltered ones with glazed glass. I could just make out the figure of someone waiting, but it struck me as odd. They were wearing all pink—which would’ve been fine if it were a robe or coat (winter was cold)—but there was a slimness to their form that made it look like they were naked.
None of my business, so I ignored it and kept walking, growing more excited to get home, smoke a bowl, and chill online. I’d made it about another block when I heard a strange flapping behind me, like a scuba diver walking in flippers. When I turned, the figure from the bus stop was following me, about twenty meters back.
He stopped when I stopped, standing stark naked in the cold. He had no hair, even on his head, and looked like a man-sized baby with a pot belly. His hands stayed at his sides, but his fingers were wriggling, like the skin was too short for the bones.
I’d grown up around this area and dealt with my fair share of loonies.
“Best be leaving now, eh buddy?”
His lips moved, whispering something under his breath.
“Why don’t you go catch that train you were waiting for?”
Then, barely audible, I heard him giggle.
“I’m gonna get you.”
His fingers writhed more manically than before, like a pianist miming the keys to a sonata. Despite the cold, a fresh chill ran through me. My feet itched to move.
“Piss off,” I said, and started walking the other way. I knew better than to give the loonies attention. That’s what they wanted. It’s like trying to tear away a toy from a dog—it just thinks you’re playing.
As soon as I turned around, I heard the flipper sound again.
Slap, slap, slap, slap.
The baby-man had broken into a full-on sprint, his bare feet clapping against the pavement. I kept walking. My left hand slipped into my pocket, fingers wrapping around my keys, holding them between my knuckles.
The feet-slapping grew closer.
Ignoring him wasn’t working.
This guy must’ve been full-on tweaked out.
I held my breath and turned, ready to fight.
But he was no longer there. All I saw were his bare feet slithering into a drain about five meters behind me.
For a few minutes, I just stood there, gawking at the drain, wondering what the hell I had just witnessed. Drugs. What else could it have been? But with his size... there was no way he should’ve been able to fit down the drain.
When I got home, I explained it all to Hayden.
“What a rort! You expect me to believe that?” He laughed.
I wasn’t sure I believed it myself. No, I didn’t see the baby-man again. But whenever I passed a drain at night, ever so faintly, I heard the giggling.