Panic attacks
For some context I’ve been dealing with panic disorder severely since 2020. I dealt with them for almost 3 years, racking up many hospital bills classically thinking I was having heart attacks, strokes, etc. I ended up joining the army in 2023, and almost immediately after leaving for basic training I miraculously stopped having them, up until around spring of 2025 and they have slowly started dominating my life again. I just became an NCO, I have been married for almost 11 years, and we are having our 4th child in 2 weeks. Sometimes I wonder if god is punishing me, sometimes I feel abandoned. It is a miserable experience to not be able to trust your own body, and to feel trapped within yourself. Why would god let this happen to me? This impacts my career, my ability to drive, to be a good father/husband.