I feel like no one understands my pain
You guys always seem to understand which is amazing, but in my life I think no one truly understands what I am going through. Maybe because I have had chronic pain since I was a kid I tend to mask my pain so much. The person who understands the most is my partner because I can open up to him and be vulnerable with him. He knows how much it disables me but I still feel like he can’t truly understand it because I still push through most of the time. I feel guilty even saying that being that I rest most days and limit myself because of how severe I get, but if I don’t limit myself, I get infinitely worse to the point I can’t hide my pain.
Hopefully the wait for surgery isn’t too much longer, I am hoping all my symptoms will be relieved but, maybe it won’t. I often fear if surgery doesn’t fix itself what am I left to do with myself? I have become a shell of myself filled with pain and discomfort, my whole world is surrounded by my endometriosis because it completely disables me. Sometimes I can’t walk, sometimes I can’t wear clothes without excruciating pain, my bowel and bladder are effed and I feel like if I don’t get surgery soon I am just going to lose complete control of my toileting… I know many people have it worse, but it sucks not being able to exist. Family don’t want to hear about how much pain I am in 24/7. :(