Short Story
"I’ve been here before," Mike thought to himself. A strange feeling of familiarity, mystery, and comfort washed over his body. He had this feeling before, many times in his life, sometimes just brushed aside as a common circumstance that he confused for Deja-vu. But this time, as he sat at a red light in his silver Camry, in a city he had never been before, listening to a song he had never heard on the radio, he knew this was real.
Maybe it was a dream that he had? And he was living it? Maybe just a moment of complete synchronicity and assurance, as the dimensional folds of reality all came together as one?
"You're not as smart as you think you are," the voices told him.
"You folded, you pussy. Your life wasn't that hard, you just couldn't man up."
The light was still red. It was 3:00 am in the morning, the moon was high and bright in the sky, a waxing crescent smiling down. The streets were empty, so Mike ran the light, making a right turn onto a main urban street from the center lane.
"Leave me alone." Mike said aloud, alone in his car.
"It may not have seemed hard to you, but it was hard to me. I couldn't control how I felt."
"You felt like a bitch," the voice responded. "Kids grow up without parents all the time. People get cheated on all the time. Normal people leave relationships when they know the other person doesn't like them... You're fuckin pathetic."
"I know." Mike said.
He reached in his passenger seat and grabbed a bottle of Budweiser from the fresh 6-pack he had just purchased from the gas station. He had never been much of a drinker before, but it was the only thing that helped him escape.
"The world is full of opportunity Mike," The voice said as he cracked open his beer and took a long chug, holding the wheel with his knee. "You just have to go and get it. Trust me for once!"
"Ive trusted you a thousand times!," Mike screamed, still aloud, still alone. "Even when I haven't trusted, l've given the benefit of the doubt. What the fuck do you want from me?"
"You know what I want Mike."
'I won't do it"
"We’ll see. I think you will."
"I've tried to kill myself." Mike said. "I can't."
"You know that's not what I want Mike. You've already done that. I want you to let go. You don't matter. You're a piece of a puzzle, and you will fulfill your part, because you don't matter, and everyone in this world will hate you until you do."
A black suburban drives passes on the right side, pausing for a second as a young pretty woman in 20's looks over and smiles.
"Her." The voices say. "Look how beautiful she is. Do it"
"'m not gonna do it. I'd rather crash this fucking car and shoot myself."
"Come on, Mike. I know you secretly want too. That you fantasize about you'd like to do to them. Give it a shot Mike. Try it!"
"I've already tried. I can't do it. I'm empty. I don't want anything. I just want to die but you keep me here."
"You're in heaven Mike. Enjoy it for once. You're always such a buzzkill"
"That's why I'm not gonna do it. She didn't do anything to deserve this. It’s all been my fault. I was weak and I don't know how to be happy and have tun anymore. I cant do it to them."
"This would make you happy Mike. Trust me, just do it and then move on and accept that this how it is."
"Its not how it is, because I'm not doing it. I don't trust you anymore." Mike screamed. "This isn't heaven! This is hell! I keep letting you trick me... You can do this Mike, you can do that Mike. Fail, Fail, Fail, laughed at, made miserable. You're torturing me. This is fucking hell"
"No, its not Mike. This is heaven for people like you. You just never loved yourself for what you hide, so you've never shown it, and so have never been a good person."
"How would this change that. It's just gonna make me feel evil. How would that help me feel good?"
"Just do it Mike."
"'m not gonna try to love her. What if I fall in love again? I can't destroy another person. I can't afford to be vulnerable. I have to protect them. I can't be betrayed again."
"Just give em a good time and move on Mike."
"YOU SUCK IN BED!" a bystander screamed from the bus stop as Mike passed.
"I can't fucking do this anymore." Mike said. "I'm not proving shit."
Mike thought of his family and the people he loved.."t'll be a better world for them without me in it. Im just a black hole manifested on Earth."
Mike finished his beer, closed his eyes, and meditated.
"I'll talk to you in the morning Mike." The voice said. "I wish you wouldn't have done this."
The city streets came alive again in the dead of the night. The sound of car alarms and crumbling metal filled the air as Mikes car crashed into the corner of the brick wall of corner building of the intersection