Mentally dissappearing
Title: I feel like I’m mentally disappearing inside my own life
I don’t even know how to explain what’s been happening to me for the past few months. I feel like I’m forgetting who I am. Some days genuinely feel unreal, like I’m living in a dream and just moving through it without feeling connected to anything. I barely sleep. I don’t feel rested anymore.
I live in a very controlled environment. My parents monitor everything I do. I’m not allowed to go out freely, meet friends, wear what I want, eat what I want, or even spend my own money without being questioned. I work and earn well, but I still feel like I own nothing in my life. Even small things feel controlled and watched all the time.
Every weekend has become pressure about marriage and meeting new people when I’m already mentally exhausted. I don’t want marriage right now. I want freedom. I want to travel, make memories, meet people naturally, experience life, and figure myself out before being pushed into another responsibility.
Meanwhile everyone around me moved on with life. Friends got married, moved abroad, got busy with work, and I feel left behind emotionally. I keep looking for validation and emotional connection outside because I don’t feel emotionally understood where I am.
The stress is affecting me physically too. My hair is falling, I feel exhausted constantly, and I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I feel trapped between wanting a completely different life and not knowing how to even begin changing mine.
Has anyone else experienced feeling emotionally trapped inside a life that looks “normal” from outside? How did you start rebuilding yourself mentally when you felt completely stuck?