Ally Partner No Longer Seems Attracted to Me
I’d suspected I was trans since 2023 and made hints to the partner I was with then. A few weeks after I opened up to them about it they broke up with me. It was really tough, a 6 year relationship down the drain.
I met someone new in 2024 who is amazing; supportive, loving, caring, loves me for my brain, and is also LGBTQ+ (bi). She’s always encouraged me to do what’s right for my own mental health and I came a long way since my last relationship: therapy, medication for depression, anxiety, and insomnia, and eventually TMS therapy when antidepressants just weren’t cutting it. TMS helped my anxiety to the point that I was able to get off of anxiety meds, moving in together healed my sleep schedule so I’m no longer on insomnia meds, and I had felt really supported and loved and weaned off of the antidepressants.
I came out to her in January of this year and she was really supportive at first, but intimacy and quality time together have come to a standstill since then. I haven’t started HRT, but have started working on my body (I already had a feminine frame) by losing weight, have figured out a skin and shower routine that works for me, and at home dress in a more fem fashion. I feel great, almost 40 pounds lighter, and actually feel attractive. I can look at myself in the mirror for the first time in years.
Feeling sexy and more myself, my libido has come back. I was so depressed in my last relationship that I didn’t have much, and in the first year and a half of my current relationship I was on so many medications that there was no libido. So now I have a mix of high libido and someone who does not seem attracted to me any more. I don’t *need* sex, but I crave intimacy… I brought it up about 6 weeks ago, but in that time nothing has really changed.
Any time she has asked for something in our dynamic to change, I’ve tried my hardest to oblige. Attraction and intimacy aren’t something I can ask someone to change. Does anyone have any recommendations for navigating this, or are we just no longer compatible?